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May 26, 2004

MORE CULTURAL WISDOM

For businesspersons.

Key quote: Nielsen hopes that the expense of about DKK 30 (USD 5) per head per week will make his staff more relaxed and more efficient on the job.

(Thanks to Michael Greenspan)

Comments

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And this is supposed to create RISING productivity?

Oh wait, I get it now.

talk about excitement in the work place.

so what do you get if you don't want the porn subscription?

I think you'd just get the $5, some coupons and a hearty handshake.

No, not with that hand. The other one.

Do hairy palms interfere with typing?

Overtime?..Weekends?..NO WAY...I've gotta get home to my free porn.... yeah.. MUCH more productive....

That was a good one Punky.


Joskhr I would think that not everyone in a company would have an affinity for porn, however since it is an IT company that probably means there are lots of guys who can't get any, so I guess it all makes sense.

er Joshkr, I've been hangin' round Graz too long and can't type anymore.

I wonder if porn sites will give them a bulk discount

What output are they looking to increase?


The amount of tissues used in the bathrooms?

Sure, great idea, until all your employees go blind!

"... a natural fringe benefit, like a free phone or a company car."

Easy on that fringe, Honey.

Hey Graz,

I left you a comment on your blog from May 15th regarding Irish Car Bombs. Don't know how often you check old entries.

Joshkr-maybe that's why you have probs with the girls? ;)

better than saying "Hey baby, wanna see my floppy disk."

Hmm...wonder why girls don't respond so well to the word floppy? ;)

After reading that, I thought Denmark must be pretty lenient. Then I saw that you can get in trouble over there for using your own passport. Talk about harsh!

BrianB: I'll check it out here in bit.

As far as talking to women, I have always gone on the premise that they just want to hear something sincere. And, I also believe that they are usually just as nervous as the guy when it comes to talking to someone that you are just meeting. Just talk to them. If they turn you down, okay. Move on and forget about it. They'll forget about it quickly, I can guarantee. You'll have that sometimes. But you won't know unless you ask.

OK, I can manage without the porn. Could I just have my free car and telephone now?

I have found that when talking up women in bars, at parties, at bar mitsvahs, funerals, etc., it is best to proudly display my Dave Barry for President button; it is almost a guarantee some lovely young lady will be coming home with me.

And being a Dave fan it is also a guarantee, of course, that she'll know more than her fair share of fart jokes, which is always nice during afterglow.

Wow, thanks, Brian! I was going to go back to that place to find out what was in them.

I'll still go back there anyways, but now I know what I'm getting into.

This may be a bad thing. Those things are good!

Since y'all seem to be headed towards a pick-up line angle in this thread, here are the all time worst ones from some british site

Uh, I know I might be delirious from it being my b-day and all, but didn't this thing just get posted twice?

I guess the guys just got "excited" over it.

I like:

23. Drink up – you’ve pulled.

Just because I have no idea what it means.

I was actually asked this once:

What would you say to a sexual experience that could conceivably change your political views.

Too bad I had no political views to be change at that time.

Happy B-day, Alex.


Or, the old standby: "So, what are we going to name our kids?"

Happy Birthday Alex!

Happy Birthday, Alex! How many is that now?

Yeah, Josh, women can make women's voices better, naturally. :-)

I'm 19 today.

MKJ: "pulled" is one you could look up in your British slang dictionary. "Pulling birds" indicates success at picking up women.

And thanks for the list; they were really bad. I also liked the originality (sic) of "I seem to have lost my telephone number, may I borrow yours?" and the sheer subtletly of I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day. I can't believe that actually works, but I bet she would fall for it.

Graz, have you tried "I'm wearing a Penguin thong"?

MKJ
to pull is to pick someone up.
Going out looking is going out on the pull, etc.
Or as the Streets said:
i'm not trying to pull you
even though i would like to
i think you are really fit
you're fit but my gosh don't you know it

Oh yeah - 'fit' is attractive, not necessarily athletic. Those English have a different word for everything.

DBFP button? Dang, I only have the T-shirt...

Good point, DRC, good point!

Fred: How are you enjoying that new job?

Bob: Well I just started this morning, but everybody takes really long bathroom breaks and all the keyboards are sticky....

I don't get the attraction to pornography in the first place, much less the workplace relevance of it. Sex isn't very pretty to watch, and my competitive nature instantly makes me hate anyone who looks like they might be better at it than me...

and my competitive nature instantly makes me hate anyone who looks like they might be better at it than me...

Now THAT'S funny.

Thanks Dave (Munger. Very memorable stories.

Key Quotes:

"The monument is is about the lamppost and the dog peeing onto it, and it is the part of the composition dedicated to 100th anniversary of electrification of Vologda."

"Professional gigolos all over the world buy celery by packs. After leaving another one of their wealthy girlfriends, they lock themselves up in their apartments and begin consuming celery."

It's gotta be true, it's Pravda!

Q. Why am I still at the office at 12:40?

A. This job sucks.

Well, I guess this gives new meaning to "Peter Principle."

It also give new meaning to "whacking it at the workstation" no, wait...

Still here.

I need a whiskey.

or four.

Danish companies are quite a trip. I was a US employee of a Danish software company back in the day. When we opened the office here, we had several traditions that revolved around alcohol, imported from the old country. Friday morning, we'd all have a shot of this stuff called Gammel Dansk (Old Danish). Friday afternoon, beer and pork rhinds. I think the pork rhinds came from the CEO's brief stint in Texas.

Our first VP marketing (oh, we went through these like Spinal Tap went through drummers) was canned and we found that he spent an inordinate amount of time locating and organizing amateur porn, with a preference for blondes. The VP Operations brought over from DK was always looking at porn on his computer when he wasn't pretending to be the office ass-kicker.

The whole thing ended in bankruptcy and disaster. While the Danes pretend like they are really forward looking and tolerant, they can be really repressive as well. I quit 6 months before the whole thing went down the toilet because there was this other tradition -- company provides lunch and nobody leaves -- that I got sick of and took my lunch off prem. Well, the CEO told me and a cow-orker that going out to lunch was unacceptable. Seeing as I already had a Dad, I called it a career there.

I read the article and I could just see the CEO of that company telling some employee, "we provide you with free porn, why do you have to leave to have dinner with your family?". Some Danes can be really awkward. But to be fair, I liked most of them.

well I'd like to work in Nordjylland

...and something punny about 'this chicken is rubbery'

uh, I heard that there is lots of free porn out there.

let us not forget the old puppet pick-up tactic...

mikey, no BUTTON? i wear mine always (when i'm wearing my jacket) and it does get a lot of comments. lots of buttons. newest one: if we give gays and lesbians civil rights, soon everyone will want them.

Guy on radio yesterday: The pickup line that work's best for me is, "I'm single, I have no kids, and I have a good job."

Note to Bloggers, Punky's out today so we'll miss her thoughtfull insights.

She posted on the MOAT.

"kiwi and other exotic fruits possess such stimulating qualities. However, they have no effect on our Russian men. According to Tibetan medicine, only those veggies and fruits that grow in your area/climatic zone are capable of providing needed results. That is why, Russians will be less likely to benefit from such exotic fruits. It would be better to turn their attention to the kind of things that are cultivated here. Personally, I would recommend celery."

Dave, thanks for that. It's good to know that professional gigolos are always well stocked up on celery. And they even provide the time frame: "In about a month of such celery diet, gigolos fully recharge their manly powers and can once again satisfy ladies-millionaires."

How many ladies-millionaires are there in Russia and are they all looking for professional gigolos, or will an ordinary American guy who eats celery do?

I'll be back after I tell my wife "you are the best, dear!" and see if she attacks me.

Judi: love that button.

Pogo: add "I'm an orphan and an only child" and you can't miss.

Jeff - Probably wouldn't hurt to add "and the Merc (or other desireable vehicle) I'm driving is paid for."

Sorry had to make another post. Couldn't stand that this one was stuck on 69. :)

MKJ, I like the "Bond. James Bond" one

TV host Oprah Winfrey gives audience members $1,000 (£526) each to donate to a charitable cause...

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