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May 15, 2004

CRIME UPDATE FROM INVERCARGILL, NEW ZEALAND

When are we going to come to our senses and ban forklifts?

Key Quote: "You hear about this sort of thing happening in Auckland but not here."

(Thanks to Claire Martin, who also sends this exciting cultural report from her hometown newspaper)

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First! Again! Oh my!

Dare I say it? ..... FIRST!!

It just seems like a forklift driven off a kerb would've developed a flat tyre, requiring equipment removal from the boot.

Damn the nimble fingers of D'Artagnan!

Perhaps the crooks should start out small and try shoplifting next time.

Sorry, Lane Closure... blowing off the requirement to type in a meaningful comment helps secure that first spot.

On the other hand, 'meaningful comment' is often an oxymoron around here. We like it that way, though.

our comments are supposed to be meaningful?

Uh ok, a lot of us could be in some trouble then.

*tries to think of something meaningful*

Ahhh, to hell with it.

BOOGER!

His name was Booger
Duckmire was his surname
Quite an anagram

"It appears to be incompetent use of a forklift." What exactly is the statute for that crime?

"You hear about this sort of thing happening in Auckland but not here." Wouldn't you like to live in a community where crimes of this "magnitude" are unheard of?

D'Art: I don't know if Meaningful Comment wbagnfarb, but Oxymoron sure would.

"Patty Ediger has been puckering up for more than 25 years." Hey, big city newspapers could -- and have -- done worse than that header. Way to go, Patty! I also liked the visual aid.

Uh huh.

Claire Martin (obviously a made up composite character) has a home town now? The plot thickens! :)

Where is the whistler's Hall of Fame? I'm planning my next vacation.

What is a "kerb"?

some_dan: a "kerb" is a "curb" in countries that also have "humour" and "rumours"

Dear Sir,
This spread of serious crime to New Zealand is terrible news. Now even the kiwi's cannot sleep safe in their beds at night. This is a sure sign the the mafia, and the Spanish Inquisition are moving in. My cats are very, very, worried.

Arthur Dike, Sidcup, Kent

I've been living in Dunedin, NZ (about 2 hours from Invercargill), for the past year, and that's a typical South Island response to anything untoward happening. Just blame it on the poisoning influence of Aukland and its resident Jaffas (Just Another F***ing Auklander).

I love the news here. Back in the States, you would never see a headline article on the First Annual Wife-Carrying Competition in Lawrence. Here, we got several of them. It was last spring, I think, and the first article bemoaned the fact that it might not go forward, as there was a dearth of wives/girlfriends willing to be carried.

I'm happy to report that it did. I look forward to an autumn filled with articles regarding the Second Annual Wife-Carrying Competition...

Teapot: The First Annual Wife-Carrying Competition? They must be pretty sure of themselves; I mean, if it's the first, how can there be sure there will be a second? So, how many competed? Who won? And were there any people taken to hospital with (ahem) abdominal injuries? Inquiring minds want to know.

This was where in where?

Police wanted to speak to anyone who saw the orange forklift being driven at least 1.5km from Otepuni Ave to Glengarry Cr.

Otepuni Ave must be CrimeHQ down there.

Wouldn't it just suck to be called "Mr. Lucy" your whole crime-fighting career?

Wife Carrying has been a sport in many countries, for many years. Starting, I think, with Finland.

Wife carrying is a much more demanding sport when it's another bloke's wife...

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