ADVISORY TO FLORIDA MOTORISTS

Get off the road now.

(Thanks to Chris Miller)

Comments

[Doug Brockmeier]

You couldn't have planned it better!

[Jeff Meyerson]

I guess this is too obvious, but was it named Donatello?

(And second)

[Guin]

I expect it will turn out that the turtle actually works for Cooter's Auto Glass Replacement.

[D'Artagnan]

I saw the turtle crossing the road when it was slightly clipped by the truck in front of me, which sent it flying into the air.

I experienced this very thing during a rainstorm not too long ago. A turtle the size of a basketball being repeatedly tossed 10 feet up in the air is not something you see every day. It's amazing none of the vehicles involved crushed the thing to death. Forget kevlar - turtle shell suits are what the police needs.

[Buddha]

Police flunkeys in turtle shell suits? Something tells me they'd be especially susceptible to plumbers of Italian descent.

[bnoury]

Did anyone else here immediately think of "Super Mario Bros."?

[sean]

"CooterBox" the best name for a rock band,period!

[Doug Brockmeier]

I immediately think of Super Mario Bros. everytime I hear the word turtle also. Absolutely.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"There was a loud crash. When I looked up, there was glass all over me and a turtle sitting beside me in my van," the 45-year-old Deerfield Beach resident said. "It seemed like it happened in slow motion."

I guess he REALLY wanted a lift to Sea World.

[Garret]

There is hope for humanity yet. Unlike the guy in the crazed turkey story (who got a hunting license to seek his revenge), this kind soul thought first of the turtle's health.

I picture groups of bored turles seeking thrills on the highway. This little fella has got a story to tell his grandkids!

That, or this is one turle that needs to change his underpants pronto.

[etc.]

*Headline* CELEBRITY TURTLE OUT OF LUCK? *Headline*

After dodging speeding multi-ton vehicles on I-95 and surviving a 70-mph windshield impact Thursday, a local cooter box turtle seems destined for an ironic twist of fate. The "amazed and surprised" driver of the damaged vehicle plans, with good intentions, to reward the lucky turtle by "releasing it into a pond" near his girlfriend's house.

The turtle, however, is not an aquatic animal but is, in fact, a tortoise; and will almost certainly drown if released in water.

Will fate intervene to grant this turtle a last-minute reprieve? Or will the animal finally get its death wish that it must have had when it suicidally crawled out on I-95 two days ago?

Stay tuned for updates as they happen...

[Big "Yo, G" Mur]

Turtle hell...anyone who's ever been in South FLorida knows that wasn't a turtle...it was a $#%@in' mosquito...

*snork* Cooter Box and the Smashed Windshields WBAGNFARB...

[Gregg]

The turtle gets clipped by a car, sails through the air, goes through a windshield, and comes out of it unscathed. See, this is just the type of eventuality that God had in mind when he gave them shells.

The Flying Turtles String Band is actually the name of a real folk group in South Florida.

[Yaish]

I was thinking the same thing about a poor box turtle being drowned after being released into a pond surviving his ordeal. Fortunately, Dave's assessment that Florida drivers are dumb also extends to their zoological skills. The turtle pictured in the photo is a southern painted turtle, which is happily aquatic turtle.

[punky brewster]

If I flew thru a windshield, I am certain my cooter box would be damaged.

*crosses legs thinking about it*

But back to the turtle ... one time (at band camp) I saw a turtle in the middle of the road and I stopped my car and picked the little guy up and was about to put him on the side of the road when it occured to me ... "what side were you trying to get to, little buddy?" He didn't point one way or ther other so I took a guess and hoped for the best. He was damn cute. I shoulda kept him :(

[larry]

I glad I haven't missed any IMPORTANT news.

[Con]

Another reason to avoid "Cooter" boxes.

[Garret]

The MOAT is apparently NOT a fan of candy!

The burning question is: Return to BLOAT or create BLOAT II?

[BMX3]

"I saw the turtle crossing the road......."

Ah, once again it brings up the age old question: Why did the turtle cross the road???

[Slartibartfast]

Ummmmm, I am guessing that the word cooter has different meanings in different parts of the country, especially when used in conjunction with the word box. Or perhaps the people of Florida are naive as to what the term cooter box means in the rest of the country, which would explain what a nice family blog like Dave’s was doing posting a story about a cooter box. It would also explain designating a specific species of turtle as the "Cooter box turtle".

[waxwing]

i was just reading about trillions of cicadas flying in the midwest and then check out this site and there is at least one turtle, apparently more, flying in florida. i'm going to stay indoors for a while. i also realized that as soon as i saw "WBAGNFARB" i knew what it meant. maybe those nice guys in white coats would not let me go out whether i wished to or not now...

[Mikep]

"He came flying through the windshield at 70mph"

When a Turtle soars towards me at highway speed, I duck. But this guy whips out a radar gun?

[Mike Weasel]

Whoa this coulda happened to me...

[Big "no, really...I'm not downloading porn" Mur]

Right you are Mikey...better get that kilt into stealth mode...

[afurrica]

Now the bastards are using turtles.

[sadie]

Mikep: I imagine he meant that the windshield (or car) was doing 70mph...but I chuckled at the thought of a turtle going that fast when I read it.

Another thing to note: that section of I95 is know by several monikers....Highway of Death, Death Trap...etc...the local news stations hoping to cash in during sweeps are running pieces on how to not die when you drive it...personally I plan never to drive on it...

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

"It seemed like it happened in slow motion."

Well, it was a turtle after all.

[entropyorganizer]

If I had been driving with my wife in the passenger seat, I would forever have to answer the question -

"Now, tell me again, exactly how did your wife die?"