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April 26, 2004

HERE'S ONE FOR THE LADIES

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

(Thanks to Whurl Girl)

Comments

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Ewwwww! That'a girl!

...oh, and, FIRST!

You know, it's just like women to find this kind of crude bathroom humor amusing.

Uh, yeah, I guess she got him by the shorthairs in a different way....

It's only amusing when it involves women's bathrooms. When men tell toilet-related jokes, it's just gross. Unless it's funny.

So, what are we men to infer from this. That she used her fingers? Do all girls do that when confronted with no toilet paper?

Generally, its not funny unless it is gross.

eeeeeeeeeeeeyew.

rufus: not necessarily fingers. in many countries where t.p. is not common it is customary to use one's left hand (hence extending the right hand for a handshake).

Urinal pennies were funny and not gross. Hmm, on second thought nevermind.

Yeah, what Rachel said about handshakes is true. They eat right handed as well.

What a complicated thing it must be to be left-handed in some of these places, then.

Is that where the expression "thumb up the a**" came from? From right handed Europeans? What about the left-handed ones. I'm never shaking hands with a European again. Wait a minute, don't they kiss a woman's hand there? What about the left-handed women? Yuck.

Oh, and we DID learn all about how ladies use men's urinals on this blog. So urinal pennies are an equal opportunity commodity :)

A guy went into the toilet booth in Grand Central Station, sat down and ******* before he realized that there was no toilet paper. Luckily someone entered the adjoining booth so he called over to him and asked if he had any toilet paper over there. The reply came back, "No, there was no toilet paper". "Well, is there any newspaper over there?" "No, no newspaper over here". "How about a paper bag?" "No, no paper bag." Then after a few moments of silence - "Have you got two fives for a ten?"

This may be bathroom humor, but when done by a female, it becomes classy.

This may be bathroom humor, but when done by a female, it becomes classy.

(That's my excuse for liking this joke alot, anyway.)

(Rolls eyes, mutters) Women...

NICE!!!

To amend Lmd33's post:

This may be bathroom humor, but when done by a female, it becomes not funny.

But that's how it goes with Judi's posts. I read them and think, "You know, in the right hands, this could be funny."

Thank for the gratuitous anti-Judi troll post.

We now return to our regularly scheduled commenting.

Garret, I'm beside you on that last (more than you need to know)

Right now, I feel like a tired and lost, but good old dragon that needs to rest.

Goodnight Everyone....

For some reason, this story brings to mind another old joke:

Two male students, one from Yale and one from Harvard, are at the urinals in a public restroom. The Yalie finishes, zips up, and heads for the door.

Horrified, the Harvard man askes, "Didn't they teach you at Yale to wash your hands after you use the bathroom?"

The Yalie responds, "No, but they did teach us not to piss all over our hands."

I would like to take this time to say...both genders are equally stupid and equally screw the other over.

GDogg said:
I read them and think, "You know, in the right hands, this could be funny."

Okay, conceded. And if I read the rest of you correctly, in the left hands this could be poopy?

Just wondering.

AmberM

oh MAN, that might be the funniest joke I've heard in ...a really long time! Thanks :)

Last!

This is not England. This is not the 1970's. We are not vikings and are not in the presence of any of these people: Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam,Michael Palin, or Terry Jones. We are not singing. Therefore, GET RID OF SPAM!!

CURSE YOU POSTS!!

This is not England. This is not the 1970's. We are not vikings and are not in the presence of any of these people: Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, or Terry Jones. We are not singing. Therefore, GET RID OF SPAM!!

This is not England. This is not the 1970's. We are not vikings and are not in the presence of any of these people: Graham Chapman, Eric Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Michael Palin, or Terry Jones. We are not singing. Therefore, GET RID OF SPAM!!

Attention everyone. I have an urgent and horrifying news bulletin. I need everyone to stop what you're doing and listen:

CANNONBALL!!!!!!

*splash*

(courtesy of Anchorman)

LAST.

Hah - funny. I like that!

As always, spammers get here first. I say take awsy their toilet paper.

That was a seductive joke that leaves a bad taste in men's mouths. Definitely not a 'first date' joke, but most certainly a first rate one.

Why do spammers do this?

I agree with "Telecharger MSN"

:)
Steve

Remember the alamo.

At least it was an attractive woman....

As we're in joking mood.
A man is celebrating a win on the horses in his local pub. After many hours drinking he is absolutely bladdered and tries to buy another pint at the bar. The barman refuses him, telling him "Go home Mike, you've had too much" and he instructs the staff not to serve him any more.
Defeated, Mike turns to go and falls flat on his face, a couple of customers help him up and ask if he's ok. He replies he'll be alright and to point him at the door. He goes 2 more steps and falls flat on his face again, the customers help him up and ask if they can get him a taxi, he replies "No, i'll be alright once I get outside, and anyway, I only live up the street".
He makes it through the doors and starts to walk, he gets a few paces and falls flat again, whilst on the ground he can actually see his house, so he decides to walk and crawl his way home - this he does, taking 30 painstaking minutes. He negotiates the key in the door and hauls himself as quietly as possible into the hall remembering that his wife was asleep. Torn between sleping downstairs for easiness, or crawling upstairs because he needs the toilet before bed, he crawls upstairs as quietly as possible. Fifteen minutes later he's had a pee and safely got into bed where he crashes out until morning.
His wife wakes him with a cup of tea.
"How drunk where you last night, you must have been out of your skull"

"How did you know, I didn't wake you up".

"Easy, the bar manager phoned to say you'd forgotten your wheelchair again".

Isn't that wonderful? Nut it was not the fault of the bartender...??? or was he responsible himself? I mean, it can also be that she did not do nothing also after finding out that there was no handsoap, right? Sometimes, finding this thing out, such as no handsoap, can turn someone off, you know.. can turn the feeling off... of whatever someone plans to do. ^^

A cool hit, this one!

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