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April 27, 2004


We report; you decide.

(Thanks to Eric Spiegelman)


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Well, they could offer him donuts and coffee instead, right?

hell, I want one, too.


Don't distract them! The po po are finally brave enough to dream. And dream big.

To all you scientists (and college students) talking about "van der Waals forces" on the Pest-It post: The challenge has been made, the gauntlet has been thrown down.

Get to work in your laboratories. Humanity needs you!

You know, it's really too bad that Jack Webb is dead. "Dragnet" would take on such a cool new meaning.

And we need to save these morons because...?

What a GREAT project! The best part - no pressure! I mean, these people are TRYING to kill themselves. Who is to blame you if your first effort, say, wraps them up in a giant exploding sausage?

Back to the drawing board!

Anyone ever read Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson?

$100,000 in extra overtime? For a 13-hour stand-off, even if each officer is making $100k/year (so $150k/year rate at time-and-a-half, or about $145/hour), that means they put about 50 EXTRA officers on this case. Doing what? Talking to the jumper? Maybe it lasted 13 hours because all 50 of them were talking to the jumper at once, and he got confused. (That's what made him eventually curl up on the platform!)

They might want to try fewer officers (like 1) next time.

If you're going to go all out, how about a tractor beam. That would be useful for car chases too!

What the heck is a bean bag gun?

I haven't read Snow Crash but The Calligrapher is a GREAT book.. (completely unrelated to anything here)

Forget bean bag guns. How about a tranquilizer gun? If it works on an elephant, it should work on humans, right?

LMC: A bean bag gun fires a bean bag-like projectile intended to stun/knock down the target, but otherwise not harm them.

Have I been reading too much SciFi, or have I actually seen video of a gun which fires a net with corner weights which snares the target bolo-style?

Couldn't they just get a gun that shoots out huge amounts of Post-It Notes?

(bringing everyone back 'round to a previous article, thank you kindly).

So if they hook a tow-rope to the net, they can reel 'em back, fish 'em out of the water, whatever.

That's all I got for being LTTG ;-)

a SWAT team stunned him with a bean-bag gun

(now I know why they want a web-shooting gun)


One time, I was going six miles an hour under the speed limit, and was pulled over for speeding. Another time, I was going twenty over, nearly caused a half-dozen accidents, and crossed the double-yellow IN FRONT OF THE OFFICER, and was not. These were both today.

I have countless other police stories to tell, but I only have 31 hours to get to Pasadena.

Let's see. . . .they could zap a tarantula with uranium, causing it to grow to 17,000x it's original size, then employing the entire United States infantry and tank brigade, simply coerce it into moving to the bridge, and once there, it could spin a giant web . . . or maybe I grew up with too many 1950's "B" horror flicks.

Here you go men!

Great Idea Lmd33! (And until they move the giant spider to the bridge, we won't tell them that tarantula's don't spin webs. They are hunting spiders. Which ought to keep the police fairly busy as soon as it gets hungry.)

So they are funding a study to develop a weapon that already exists? Heck, they should just ask the Governor. He's probably fired one. And didn't he get caught by one in Running Man?

*So they are funding a study to develop a weapon that already exists? Heck, they should just ask the Governor. He's probably fired one. And didn't he get caught by one in Running Man?*

Yeah, just get in charge of the props department at Universal Studios. They ought to be able to whip one of those guns up in a hurry. They probably have a couple lying around.

And, if it doesn't really work all that-well that would also deter suicides.

I already have a tarantula slingshot, thanks, Dijon.

I never knew tarantulas didn't spin webs; and they say this blog isn't educational . . .

Tarantulas are evil. No matter what you say, I will always believe this.

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