ADVISORY

We keep getting email from people, some of them irate, who want this blog to fix the clock, because apparently this blog is off by an hour. In response, we would like to say that: (1) We don't know how to fix the damn clock, and (2) If you are relying on this blog for the accurate time, or anything else that involves accuracy, then you are on the wrong blog. This blog is about issues. Thank you.

The time at the tone is eleventeen hundred hours centigrade. BEEP.

Comments

[Blogchik]

You tell'em, Dave! Give 'em hell! :)

[frennzy]

I'm not so much concerned about the clock here, as the fact that my Dave Barry 2004 calendar has *every single* instance of the number '8' upside down. I am not making this up. Check for yourself. They are quite clearly upside down...and I, for one, want something to be done about it. I'm thinking of starting a letter writing campaign...as soon as I can figure out who to write. (wow...that's a dangerous setup for a typo)

[SteveB]

The blog appearantly serves a purpose - it gives some people something to complain about.

[steve]

In less than 6 months it will be correct again. Dave likes to be on the forefront of change.

[Chris Lucas]

There's a clock? Please refer these agitants to:

www.time.gov

They can watch all day.

[Harry P]

According to my lucky mood watch, it's half past 1986 (oh, my head).

But if you really want the time, check HERE

[SteveB]

I noticed the upside-down eights as well. I thought I might be developing dislyxia so I tried to ignore it.

Dislyxics of the world untie!

[cuzn ed]

Well, i can say that, since i live in God's time zone (that's Central for all'a y'all out-east heathens), the blog's clock is exactly right.

[SteveB]

Wow. I need to learn how to spell.....

[Dan Gross]

Dave's right. I asked the chicken to fix the damn clock on the blog, and all it did was stand there. It obviously doesn't know how.

I know, I know, chickens may not make good web server administrators, but they work cheep.

[Dan Gross]

I don't know if this got posted in comments under the original thread, but the chicken request list (things it will and won't do) is here: http://dev.magicosm.net/cgi-bin/public/corvidaewiki/bin/view/Game/SubservientChickenRequestList

[lurker]

wait, some people are irate that this blog's WHAT is being displayed incorrectly???

oh, c-L-o-c-k.

whew, for a second there, I thought we had another "Janet Jackson" debacle in the making.

carry on.

[BMX3]

I'll have to agree with Cuzn Ed, the clock seems to be working fine for me.

[Steve]

What clock? There's a clock?

[Steve]

What clock? There's a clock?

[Steve]

And what's up with this darn Post button?

[Blogchik]

Steve, if you look beneath your comments, where your sig is posted, the time your comment was made is also posted. It is not on Eastern Daylight Savings Time, as God intended.

[Blogchik]

Correction: God surely never intended Daylight Savings Time.

[grimreaper]

"Does anybody really know what time it is"

*humming - Chicago tune circa 1979*

Now that you have that song in your heads, try to erase it with Morris Day and the Time. Bwaak, halleluiah.

[Joe Pignatiello]

The best manual clock I have seen is this one

[cuzn ed]

Thank you, Joe! That's the coolest thing i've seen since last nite, when my Predators beat the living ... you know ... out of the Detroit Red Wings! This is not as cool as that win, but pretty close!

[His Billness]

That is a cool clock, Joe P. However — complain, complain, complain — it's off by a couple of minutes CT.

[OtherDave]

This blog is about issues

Dave, I think you meant:

This blog has issues.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Joe: thanks for the cool clock, but it's starting to give me a headache.

Not only are the eights upside down, but so are the zeroes.

[adrienne]

hey, the clock is right somewhere (as in, it's right for my time zone, so shut up everyone).

[pogo]

The server may actually be in the Central Time Zone (or it could be a Hoosier.

[BMX3]

Here's the only clock
that really matters. If it's correct I only have 1,317,473,159 seconds to live.

[the sherlock]

If someone hasn't already mentioned this, which I'm sure they have, I'd like to say:

Uh, timezones?

[adrienne]

2,517,050,156 seconds left to live...

hmm, plenty of time to keep reading dave's blog!

[grimreaper]

The Death Clock is the COOLEST thing I've seen in a looong time.

Considering I'm not gonna die for forty or so years I might as well do my taxes. Damn.

[MonsterMagnet]

I'm on solar time: I get up at sunrise, and I start drinking at sunset.

[Christobol]

This clock is too busy to worry about daylight savings (what do servers care for daylight anywho? much less blog readers)

It is currently testifying before Congress to get to the bottom of whether or not it should have prevented every bad thing that has ever happened.

Commission Chair #3b: "So, in retrospect, with 20/20 hindsight vision, would you say it would have been better if the world had done EVERYTHING possible to make sure Hitler's parents never met, and, failing that, never hit it off, and, failing that, never, well, you know?"

DaveBlogClock: "The posted stories about Squids were too unspecific. I feel I could do nothing. Plus, I don't care."

[crash]

You'd fester and rot quicker in the summer.

and the clock will just be right again come fall, why bother?
I don't change my clocks. ever.

[Dahboy]

I'm frightened! Someone please hold me!

[Christobol]

Wow. The death clock just offered me eternal life.

I just need the soul of a comely lass. I coulda sworn there was one laying around the blog yesterday.

Anyone seen it?

[MonsterMagnet]

Band!
(Yes?)
Is anybody hot?
(No!)
You know why?
(Why?)
‘Cause we’re cool.
(Cooool.)

[Gregg]

Linear time doesn't really exist anyway. Neither does space.

[Christobol]

Gregg's friend: "What time is it?"

Gregg: "Yellow"

[Gregg]

LOL. I thought that comment would stir up some responses. Just pulling out a random concept from a few interesting books I've read, including some Jane Roberts (Seth) books.

[mike]

I believe space exists, Gregg. In fact, it's the final frontier.

[SteveB]

Just a little tidbit from The DeathClock:

Your Personal Day of Death is...
Wednesday, March 8, 1995

Jumpin' Jezzuz Krist! I've been dead for 9 years! When was someone going to tell me? No wonder I can't get a word in edgewise with my wife!

[tem2]

G'dang. Just when I'd gotten the VCR clock, microwave clock, and refrigerator clock programmed, you had to remind me about my weblog clock. It's still on Eastern Server Time, and the fish are swimming counter-clockwise!

[Christobol]

As Einstein postulated in his General Theory of Relativity: Time is inversely proportional the the cube root of the square of pleasure, which has been colloquialized as "time flies when lawyers fill out their billable hours forms"

However, in his Somewhat More Specific Theory of Relativity in 1905, Einstein indicated that he had come to believe that the DaveBlogClock is the turtle on whose back the universe rests, and that it was also perhaps wrong.

Of course he renounced all that as a drunken joke in his Special Theory of Relativity a couple days later, but I think it is just as irrelevant nevertheless.

[pogo]

But Woody forgot to mention that that the universe is constantly expanding, so where ever you left something has already moved.

[mike]

I don't think that's true, pogo. I just looked in the freezer, and the dead squirrels are all still there, EXACTLY where I left them.

[Christobol]

Woody should probably always start looking for lost items in his daughter's room.

Oh wait, maybe he should STOP that.

[MOTW]

The time now

[The D]

1337

[pogo]

But the freezer is now farther away and the squirrels are farther apart. But since your molecules are also farther apart, you can't tell!

The universe is very insidious.

[Christobol]

Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Insidious Universe.

Thanks, thanks a lot. We'd like to dedicate our first number "Your Love is the Particle Accelerator that Split the Atoms of My Heart" to the DaveBlogClock.

[kitlizzy]

That explains everything I have ever lost.
I'm going to go tell my husband about this RIGHT NOW. Mock me for losing my keys/hair gel/coat/shoes/checkbook/purse/socks/food items, will you!?!? :)

[Graz]

The Death Clock told me I will live till March 16, 2049, but if I start smoking I will live to March 29, 2050.

Anyone have a match?

[k]

'nother cool clock:
The Human Clock Project

[surfbunny]

does anyone remember that clock that was blogged a week or two ago, and if the 2 hands ever met at midnight, the world would come to an end...or something? I swear I'm not making this up!

[LMC]

I get to die on April Fool's Day!

How cool is that!

Tuesday, April 1, 2053 ... marking my calendar now. (Things to do today: Die)

[Christobol]

Um...if the two hands EVER met at midnight? I'm not swiss or anything, but I think that's kinda how clocks work?

Now, if the two hands meat at 2:46am on Friday the 13th, THEN it's gonna be hard to tell what time it is, and you'll probably get thrown out of the bar, and it will certainly FEEL like the end of the world.

[Blogchik]

According to the Death Clock ("Sadistic" mode), I will die August 12, 2013. So I'm not already dead, but I'm close! :)

NOTE: Check out the letters (flames) sent to the Death Clock. They are hilarious. The Death Clock guy responds with a pithy reply.

[nouti]

How could anyone remotely imagine that time means anything to this blog?

PS - All of your lost stuff is under the Subservient Chicken's couch.

[Christobol]

Ever since I lost the ability to bilocate, I've found remotely imagining difficult

[mike]

I believe surfbunny is referring to The Doomsday Clock , which isn't a clock per se, but is a way of representing the percieved nearness of nuclear annihilation. In theory, the amount of time left before midnight represents how far from war we are, and so the clock actually hitting midnight would mean war is at hand, and so pretty much everyone dies.

Of course, the clock doesn't actually "move" unless scientists decide it should. It's also capable of moving backwards. And, in it's recorded history, has always stayed in a range between 11:43 and 11:58 pm.

So, either that's what she's talking about, or I need to get me some of those pills.

[BMX3]

I'm adjusting my diet to lower my BMI so I can die on my birthday saving some oh so precious space on my headstone. Plus it somehow seems fitting.

[Christobol]

I have my own doomsday clock, which measures the perceived likelihood that Adam Sandler and Keanu Reeves will make a movie together, which will signal the 4th sign of the apocalypse, according to a pamphlet I received from a Jehova's Witness.

[elfbrains]

It seems that just being optimistic will add about 60 years to my life. Otherwise, I've got about a week.

So, the Mavs suck, the Stars suck, the Rangers (Texas) are already on the verge of being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs already, my wife won't leave me,...

...somebody give me something to be optimistic about...

...oh yeah - after next week, I won't have to put up with any of that anymore!

[BMX3]

O.K., I tried the pessimistic mode, didn't want to, but I had to. It told me to call 911.

[platonicsolid]

I hate switching from daylight-saving time to standard time, so every fall I change all my clocks from Eastern Daylight Time to Central Daylight Time.

[Christobol]

Doctor: Mr. Johnson, I'm afraid you have cancer. You also have alzheimer's.

Mr. Johnson: Oh well. At least I don't have cancer.

[Tee]

How the hell am I supposed to know when it is time to clock out from my government job if the clock is wrong?

[pogo]

Interesting that if you just click the button on the death clock several times you get different answers. Without changing the data, I made it to ages between 82 on up to 1 month short of 99.

[Chaz Stevens]

Dave. When your guys are done fixing the BlogClock, can you send them over this way. My VCR is blinking 12:00AM - 12:01AM.

[Cheese_Ball839]

I am posting here just because I am bored. Thank you for your attention.

[elfbrains]

Hi MeL!
Wait a second. I'm closer to you than most of these folks - so if the world revolves around you, that makes a year shorter for me...so its your fault I'm getting old?

But, since the clock matches the one here on my computer, the evidence indicates that you must be correct.

[Chaz Stevens]

I've said this before and I will say it again.

Man:
You sit here, dear.


Wife:
All right.


Man:
Morning!


Waitress:
Morning!


Man:
Well, what've you got?


Waitress:
Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg
bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam;
spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato
and spam;


Vikings:
Spam spam spam spam...


Waitress:
...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked
beans spam spam spam...


Vikings:
Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!


Waitress:
...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a
Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate,
brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.


Wife:
Have you got anything without spam?


Waitress:
Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.


Wife:
I don't want ANY spam!


Man:
Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?


Wife:
THAT'S got spam in it!


Man:
Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?


Vikings:
Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)


Wife:
Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?


Waitress:
Urgghh!


Wife:
What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!


Vikings:
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!


Waitress:
Shut up!


Vikings:
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!


Waitress:
Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam
and sausage without the spam.


Wife:
I don't like spam!


Man:
Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm
having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and
spam!


Vikings:
Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!


Waitress:
Shut up!! Baked beans are off.


Man:
Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?


Waitress:
You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the
Vikings drown her words)


Vikings:
(Singing
elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam
spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely
spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

[lily]

The Death Clock is such a rip. I put my Mom's birthday in and she should still have 400,000+ seconds to go, but she died of lung cancer 6 yrs ago. She was robbed I tell you ROBBED.

[Ross]

I think the Death Clock should have an Atkins option. That way people who are on the Atkins diet can check it so they know when THEY'LL die. Which would be two numbers
1) To show how much longer they'll live for being on the diet
or
2) How much faster they'll die from annoying people by talking about their diet all the time.

Heh.

[elfbrains]

Don't most centers of the universe claim some type of ability? Your position is seeming a bit shaky. But placing typos in your corrections to your typos is quite endearing, even if it does bring your omnipotence into question. Personally, I would suggest that however you said it or spelled it in the first place, as the center of the universe, then that is simply how it should be said (spelled) from now on.

[eadn]

I'm always late-to-the-gate, close enough to on-time for me.

By the way, the Death Clock gave me about 10 years.

Wonder if I'll be late for my own funeral....

[Blogchik]

eadn, did you try it on "Optimistic"?

On "Sadistic," I've only got ten years to go, too. Woo woo.

[dor]

What's a blog?

[Christobol]

Since the universe is expanding, but NOT in all directions at the SAME speed, the center must therefore be shifting.

I think. However, we can all ask Arthur Dent over beers at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

What say?

[Chaz Stevens]

Up Jupiter.Up Saturn.Up Uranus.You are now free to grope about the Galaxy.

[eadn]

Blogchik, I picked "Pessimistic" for the 10 years.

I get 30 on "Normal" and 40 on "Optimistic", however I'm already late for my funeral by a few years on "Sadistic".

Good thing I never beat up a frog! Now if I ever figure out what "Normal" is, maybe I can work up to "Optimistic" ;-)

[Jeff]

I HATE my job. I LOVE this Blog.

That is all.

[Chaz Stevens]

>> If a Blog farted in the woods, would we be around to comment on it?I need more details. Where is the bear in this scenario?

[Christobol]

behind the rabbit.

[Chaz Stevens]

Being the creationist that I am, I once tried to make a non-alchoholic mojito. It was so bad that we named it The Blow-hito.

[dor]

Dear punky brewster,

'Pensively phiosophical' re a blog - - no, of course not.

Just a simple question.

So why is it called a blog (weblog) - - it's not really a weblog, is it? it's more like a forum, or chat.

Here's another one (now, don't get excited, it's another simple question) - - ready? Okay, why do the comments appear in ascending order?

[evil little pixie]

Wow- I'd like to get all you bloggits together and inflict you on the spacetime class my physics major friend is taking. He says it's boring and everyone else is way too slow the grasp the concepts. Ya'll would shake things up enough for him!
What would the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe serve, anyway? For some reason toad-in-a-hole sounds appropriate, but I don't quite know why.

[dor]

Hey, Evil Little Pixie - -

Pixie is my nickname AND I am a Physics major, too!

BTW, how does your friend know that everyone else is 'way too slow'?

[Christobol]

The RatEotU serves beer, and rabbit and bear if they get drunk enough.

Doesn't really matter, though. Frikken Giant Squid always eats the most and NEVER pays the check.

[eadn]

dor, because the one's on top are most likely to be on topic.

Christobol, I'll undoubtedly be late, but could you save me a seat at the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe, please?

I think I'm gonna need a few beers if The Blog gets "pensively philosophical" ;-)

[evil little pixie]

I'm a history major. I don't know how my friend knows. When asked about time, I tend to think of The Sound and the Fury rather than Einstine. I don't even know how to spell Einstine.

*pixies peers at the rest of the blog "through the fence, between the curling flower spaces"*

[Christobol]

No problem, eadn.

We'll be drinking Guinness because [insert something clever about dark matter HERE]

[eadn]

eadn peers back at evil little pixie and says "Boobah!"

[Christobol]

Oh hey guys I might be late too - forgot I'm supposed to feed Schrodinger's cat.

If you beat me there, just ask for the Dave Barry table.

Say, if Dave shows up, you think he'll spring for an appetizer?

[dor]

eadn,

what? the one one's on top are 'on topic'? no, they are going in ascending (by time) - - usually comments are in descending order (so you don't have to scroll down).

[Christobol]

dor, ever since we got married I can hardly ever get my wife to scroll down.

blog is short for "web log" which Punky 'splained.

Say "Web Log" 63 times fast and at some point the sound "blog" will come out. Do it after 43 beers (which I happen to know Dave does) and the "blog" sound will come out almost immediately.

[philintexas]

visiting this blog to find out the time wasn't even in the FSU grad student's survey of reasons why the disaffected visit this blog. I think Dave's cavalier treatment of the inaccurate time problem is worthy of a congressional hearing. When did Dave know the time on the blog was screwed up and why the hell isn't he doing something about it?

[eadn]

dor? "usually"? On Dave's Blog?!

I stand by my answer! ;-) "On topic" with a variable descent to "whatever" with occasional lapses back to the point long since forgotten...

Anybody? Comment? Dissertation, even? :-)

[markhh]

The bear is making the beer.

[dor]

Christobol,

1. That is terrible news (for you).
2. Yes, I read it - - you are a question behind (no need to apologize).