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April 30, 2004


Childhood Goat Trauma

(Thanks to Savitri)


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I never had a traumatic childhood goat incident.

A tragic malamut snafu, but no goat trauma.

You know, when I was a kid, I suffered from a tragic bug trauma. It was very tragic.

Oh, wait - No, my mistake. I actually CAUSED tragic bug trauma.

"Hey, Susie... Check this out!"

I think "Childhood Goat Trauma" would be an excellent name for a rock band...

I guess I am just wierd. Where I come from, goats don't traumatize kids. If they try to, then the goat gets shot. We keep our animals in line at gunpoint around here, and it seems to work pretty well.

All your toys are belong to us. Crybaby.

Evil Petting Zoo - gnfarb, no?

Goats? What about those of us who were once traumatized by... scary TV test patterns! The horror... the horror...

In the small town from which I hail we speak of nothing more important than childhood goat trauma.
The children have been traumatizing our goats for a long time and it must stop. Child scares goat, goat gives sour milk; goat not good for anything, so he get buthcher and we have a vGreek festival. Opahh! oy veh.

Goats are good...

cabrito is muy bueno!

I dunno. I think making your kid (har!) wear a t-shirt that says, "I SURVIVED GOAT TRAUMA!" would make him an easy mark, you know?

Yes, Yes, Yes! By the way Garret, I actually have two miniature donkeys and my husband wants a couple of "fainting goats". Google fainting goats, they are real, real evil....

Punky - My Dad taught me to swim by tossing me into the river, too. It wouldn't have been so bad, if I didn't hit my head on the ice.

"I was worried about all those goats that kept congregating outside my house at the new moon. Thanks to the CGTF, I've learned how to construct an effective Goat Repellent System for home defense"
You're kidding me, right?

Key quote: "without the ever-present ghosts of their personal goat traumas"

Personal Goat Traumas wbagnfarb

Say, baby, how 'bout I put my puppet in his box and put on some Barry White and refill our wine glasses?

I'm sorry, I just have to go. It's my ever-present personal goat trauma ghost.

Punky and Steve - that's NOTHIN

Why, my brother taught me to swim by cutting my head off and throwing it in the lake. Then he took my body, tied it up in a sack, set it on fire, and let the Hell's Angels kangaroos have at it.

And when I got home that night, my father killed me, and danced upon my grave singing alleluia.

But ya tell that to the kids these days - they won't believe ya.

You can add the word "traumatic" to damn near anything to make a situation seem more horrific than it is.

Just this morning I suffered from Tramatic Rotten Apple Syndrome. Yesterday I bit into an apple, that tasted very rotten. Then today, I found it very difficult to take my first bite into this juicy granny smith because of my past tramatic experience.

*CRUNCH* Movingrightalong.......

Christolbol, did you live in a shoebox in the middle of the road?

c00kie - we used to DREAM of living in a shoebox!

hmmmmmmm, i think ya'll killed it.

When traumatic things happen to childhood goat trauma sites....


What have you done to my support group website?


I agree, Garret. That "Don't Be a Victim" section is ridiculously funny.
I'm sure goats spend all their spare time collectively plotting and developing plans to traumatize kids, incorporating new techniques such as climbing trees.

Check out this testimonial: "Even though a goat ate my arm, thanks to the CGTF I've been able to stop hiding behind drugs and alcohol and face the world again. "

Is that powerful or what! How can a goat eat your arm? They've got blunt teeth. Maybe the guy was on some hallucinogenic drug and therefore *thought* a goat ate his arm when it may have nibbled on him. Whatever.

You should see the photos of the teletubbie being attacked. They're worth the price of admission.

What?...it's free?

Never mind.

"If a child is traumatized by a goat before age five, he/she is five times more likely to become some form of social deviant."

Ah, so THAT'S what's wrong with my roommate's kids!

On a side note, "Goat-Traumatized Social Deviants" wbagnfarb. Or maybe not.

As the resident "shrink" who would like to give hope to those who might suffer from Goat Trauma, I feel the need to point out that there may be a cure to the goat phobia. There have been case studies in behavioral psychology in which direct conditioning has been used to succesfully cure phobias of animals. (See Mary Cover Jones' work with Peter and his fear of rabbits.)
So don't despair, all members of the CGTF.

You absolutely MUST click on the "evidence" of the goat jumping out of the tree. Classic.

One thing I've wondered about bloglits (and other crazed websites) attacking unsuspecting oddball websites (think Tron boy):

Are they paying for bandwidth usage? If so, are they getting slammed with huge bills when people like us rush to their sites?

Because that would just stink. Not only are people you don't know making fun of you. You're PAYING FOR IT!!!!

I leave you to watch Junior at the petting zoo for 5 minutes and you let a goat eat his ENTIRE LEFT ARM?

Relax sweets, they've got a support group for this kinda thing.

Not to worry, Garret. I mean, you put up a support group site for personal childhood goat trauma ghosts, and you gotta anticipate massive traffic, right?

Nope, Aggie.

(ducks quickly away from monitor)

There was one pic from a supposed site in Pocatello, ID--I grew up here and Pocatello hasn't ever been that green. Funny picture though. You would think they would try to make it more real looking. Instead it looks like someone clipped a magazine picture and rotated it and then stuck it in the picture.

"Some of these sites just can't handle the traffic when they get posted to the blog and MOOOOOOO! we all go running to check them out. You'd probably shut down too if you saw a pack of bloglits running towards you ;)"

dj, that just kills me! Well Said! :-)

Being LTTG as usual, I had to wait awhile to even get in to the site and I'm still waiting for the Chuck-a-Rama apology to connect!

This is a special kind of humor....so very subtle. Simply masterful.

"Be suspicious of all farm animals. While other animals such as sheep, cows and horses are not by any means the violent creatures that goats are, goats frequently lurk within a herd, waiting to take advantage of peoples' trust in such animals."

"Goatboy, Goatboy, time to be the goat's toy!"

LOL - funny site!

You know, I was actually bitten by a goat at a petting zoo with I was about 4. No wonder I can't sleep all these years later. Plus, it turned me into a newt!

Churches! Very small rocks...

Who do you think would win, a Hell's Angel Kangaroo or a Roaming Urban Goat?

CGT, Kangaroo. In the olden days history that I've read (trivia, but I have a weird memory) carnivals would have fighting kangaroos and let men try against them. It turns out that the kangaroo has a helluva nail on the end of it's foot and shall we say, cut short the fight permanently?!

I'm bigger than a goat, so them's wouldn't bust me up a whole lot.

And then there's the story about Adolph Hitler losing a testicle to a goat as a child or teenager while urinating into its mouth to show off to friends . . . Hard to prove, but fascinating nonetheless!

JCT: As a matter of DaveBlog ordinance/requirement/wishes (we could make it a DaveLaw if we wanted to have a BlogVote) you should think about signing in as (JCT - DaveBlog Resident Shrink) -- as should all professionals...sign in as the "resident/professional/whatever/"-- that will be fun. I would really like to know what some of the non-student DaveBloggers do for a living! As far as the students, they are a trip, and make me laugh like hell, although I would like to know what universities they attend, for my own amusement. Thanks, for your effort and support.


Katie (owner/asylum keeper, of two miniature donkeys, 2 cats, 4 kitties, Neyland, the 110 lb Siberian Husky) (after the UTenn stadium)and a JuveyBoy husband who wants "fainting goats" purely for his own amusement. Also, my only kid is about to graduate summa cum laude from LSU! Geaux Tigers! See you in the funny papers.

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