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March 25, 2004


Now they're using Richard Simmons.

(Thanks to many people, among them Ted Habte-Gabr, Field Coordinator for the Dave Barry for President Surging Juggernaut of Doom)


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New video: Slappin' to the Oldies

This sounds like a bad segement from a Mel Brooks film.

"If you're looking to get smacked, then you bes' not come in here!"

The funny thing is, I was at the LA airport a week and a half ago, and he was standing in line in front of us in a security line(the guy must spend his life at airports)...

I thought the fuzzy headed little bugger looked ahhhhh....scary in a strange kind of way.... Now I'm glad I didn't make fun of him (although everything in my body screamed out to make some sort of remark!)...

"The passenger, whose identity wasn't immediately available..."
because who wants to be known as the guy who got pimp-slapped by Richard Simmons?

Can you imagine living your life know as "the guy who got smacked by Richard Simmons?" Poor fella. Wonder if he will make it on the late night TV circuit.

Of course, with text, you don't get the tone and inflection the anonymous passenger used. But at my first read, his comment didn't sound offensive.

T-Bob: had you made a comment, and been slapped, you could have made your fortune with your fifteen minutes of fame making that late night TV circuit.

Think about that next time you see him.

Heck, I've had my moment of fame...although I missed the "fortune" part.... (The Bob avoids gloating about being a Zombie "extra" in Dawn of the Dead!)

and, I REALLY don't think I wanted him to touch me in ANY manner!

Oh why, oh why, couldn't have been the other way around. Something like this:

"...Richard Simmons suddenly lurched into an unprovoked rendition of "Sweating to the Oldies" when other passengers waiting on their flights who had become irritated because the extra noise and commotion made it almost impossible to scream any louder into their cell phones thereby decreasing the attention each of them craves to prove their individual importance, encircled the greased up fitness guru and took turns bitch slapping the fool out of him.."

Hey, I can dream can't I?????

No matter how small the man's trademark may be.

At least it wasn't Pee Wee Herman. Who knows what appendage he would have slapped with?

And yes, to answer your question, the man is alreayd on the talk show circuit. He will be appearing next week in a special segment "Help! I was assaulted by the guy once semi-famous for calling himself a pony!"

I know I haven't commented much lately, but I haven't entirely abandoned the blog! I just feel inferior to everyone else who constantly comes up with witty and/or obscene comments. It triggers those deep childhood traumas of always being the one who was left out... *sob* *sob*

On the positive side, I am doing my best to corrupt those around me, especially my (older) students, by exposing them to this blog. I have already made at least one convert. He was expecially impressed by the productivity enhancers, and plans to visit for those at least--especially the bloody penguin bashing.

I have a feeling that he will become addicted to the blog itself within short order, and yet another passenger will board the train to hell.


Richard Simmons' Clubhouse?

Oh my dear god.

Someone with a sense of humor.

"I wonder who cuts Richard Simmons hair??"

why, Punky, thinking about a new look?

I've met only two celebrities in my life: Richard Simmons and Little Richard*. I'd say the risks of getting smacked were about equal.

*(Obviously, I must have done something unspeakable in a previous incarnation.)

Glued on brown Brillo pads come to mind. I knew an Italian guy in college who had a natural 'fro and he hated it. Couldn't do anything with it except to keep it mowed down to a reasonable height.

Damn, MOTW, you stole my brain. And in the very first comment, no less!

i heard more about this story on the radio on my way to work this morning.

the guy is a "big, burly" "cage-fighter" [yeah. no joke.] richard simmons told him "you shouldn't make fun of people with problems."

so the question is... would you rather...

be known as the guy who got slapped by richard simmons


be known as the guy who ripped off richard simmons' arms and fed them to him

Ok, I don’t want to give away to much information about myself, since I already have a stalker, but I have the unfortunate coincidence of having the same last name as old Richard Simmons, and somehow, I feel sometime during this day, someone is going to ask me what my uncle or brother or cousin, was thinking. Then I will have to slap them.

I once saw Richard walking through an airport, and he was wearing those little shorts he wears on tv. As The Bob said, there is something scary about the little bugger. He looks like any second he might explode into a frenzy of screeching (or bitch slapping). If you see him coming, stay far away is my advice. And don't make any jokes!

Hear, hear Ivoirienne; I as well tend to sit back and chuckle at this heck-a whip-smart crowd more often than posting; of course, I work in HR and must live with the daily nightmanre that by some peculiar Dave-ish Force of Nature-type coincidence each and every one of them are employees in my office.....

(Did I just hear 17 pingus being whapped?)

--"I wonder who cuts Richard Simmons hair??"

Hmm, according to Mr. Simmon's profile on the IMDB:

"Told 'Hard Copy' in 1993 that all his hair fell out due to stress when he was a teenager, and the hair he has now is actually a weave."

Also, he appears to have a large collection of Barbie dolls..

THE BOB-in that website,is this guy wearing a helmet or is that his hair?

Not familiar with R.S,
Flamin Bangi,

Tomorrow's Man -

My daily nightmare: I am my own employee. Thus I am wasting my own time and resources on this blog. Maybe you could hire me so that I can waste your company's time for a living. Just a

The guy who got slapped is a cage wrestler. Richard Simmons bitch-slapped a 6'2" 239 pound cage wrestler!! What kind of meds is Richard on?

The cage wrestler should have been arrested instead and charged with letting Richard Simmons bitch-slap him. Richard Simmons is a 55 year old balding guy with a squeaky voice who wears sparkly red shorts. The cage wrestler probably went down like a bag of bricks.

Free Richard!!! Arrest the cage wrestler!!!

What I really want to know is how to join the "Surging Juggernaut of Doom" if I can play bass?

Imagine all the hair rollers he must use .
D'OH! cant get image out of head now.

Punky, I hate to be a stickler for detail, but it's the WWE now. I wouldn't want Dave and the rest of the fine folks at the Hearald, to loose their jobs after the World Wildlife Federation, sinks their teeth into the Herald.

Also, don't ask me how I know that. ::Runs away sheepishly.::

nouti - you've got a deal. I will hire you on as a consultant. Your job will be to help me get over %#^#$!! 288 on Seal Bounce!! GRRRRR.

Your official title will be "Productivity Enhancer Enhancer."

Now get back to...er...work.

Hell sounds like a nice place as long as simmons stays alive,up here on earth
alex-i'd like to move closer to u-apartment wise.
how r prices?

Truly a match made in hell (or its suburbs).
Now back to Richard Simmons' hair........

Hairstyle option


Is your aunt's name, by any chance, Cher? Then it might have been justified....

Walking in airport
We saw big mean man dancing
Richard Simmons sobs

So he got slapped. He's lucky Simmons didn't hit him with his purse.

Actually being slapped is low impact way to lose weight!

Am I the only one who thinks the big guy is actually the jerk in this situation? I mean, come on, who just yells out "Hey it's (fill in celebrity name)!" What difference does it make if it's Richard Simmons? What a pr-ck.
And he's filing assualt charges? For being slapped??? He's a pr-ck and a p-ssy.

Barbiguinness, I'm Impressed too! Nuttin' like a little feistyness to put a sparkle in my plenty ;-)

There are a lot of good ones in here, but my favorite "Richard Simmons" anagram is "Sir Nomad Smirch."

Well done, Sir Doug! With Barbi's help, let's Rewrite That Headline:

Sir Nomad Smirch B*tch Slaps Pr*ck P*ssy at Airport
*Caught on Surveilance Camera! Film at 10.

I searched the entire Internet for a picture of Dave Letterman when he hosed down Richard Simmons with a fire extinguisher.

I failed, sadly.

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