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March 24, 2004


Why do you talk so FREAKING LOUD???


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They want all the world to know about the important milk and bread they have been instructed to bring home.

They're trying to be heard over their egos.

Why? Because unlike normal phones, cel phones don't echo back the voice that's being talked into it. Since these people in the airport idiots, they don't realize that this is the case, and are subconsciously trying to compensate.

This is how yuppies (does anyone still use that word?) identify each other - like dogs sniffing butts - their various electronic beeps and boops are like radar, the loud phone talk establishes their territory, as it would be impossible for two of them to have simultaneous phone conversations side-by-side.

I blame the phone manufacturers for this one. The phones these days are so small that you feel like your mouth is miles away from the mouth piece, so you compensate by shouting. Meanwhile, the other guy's mouth is far away from his cell phone, so he's shouting. Then you're thinking he's shouting because he can't hear you, and he thinks you're shouting because you can't hear him, and you compensate again, and the cycle continues. Oh forget it; now I'm even confused, and I'm guilty of phone shouting myself. Oh yeah, and if you're talking over the other guy's automobile noise, then you think that if you're hearing the car noise, he must really be hearing the car noise, so you feel like you have to talk over it.

From a guy who has had way too much first hand experience at this.

i always assume that this because the connections to those 800-DIAL-PORN lines sometimes aren't so clear...

I always think it's a line of homeless people yelling incoherences at me so I don't look over. Then when I'm safely past them I look back to discover it was just those earphone celpeople.

Has anything been done in terms of finalizing the details concerning the Louisana Purchase?

Help Mr. Wizard.

Several people have suggested jammers. I'm getting close.

I love the concept of Jammers....except it is a federal offense to actually use one.....

However, only a local felony to actually shove the cell phone up someone's (insert favorite orifice here!)

Since the jammer appears to be of noticable size, let's just hope that Mr. Screamer is unaware of what a jammer is.

Othwerwise, hope that Screamer is not of noticable size so Screamer's foot does not seek being in Mr. Barry's butt.


Well, duh!

Dave, after single-handedly decimating the telemarketing industry, recalibrates his G.P.S. and aims his sights on cell-phone abusers. OK, ya got my vote for President!

I always have the opposite problem. When I talk on the cell phone everyone's always asking me to speak up. I have to tell them, "hey! my conversation is none of your business!" Then I can go back to my sex chat line. It's even worse when some perve comes up and tries to get his ear real close to my phone so he can hear. That's just not right! They get right inside my personal space and it just ruins the mood. And the worst part is that they never even offer to pay for part of the call!

True, Bob...and I can't think of any judges that would hand out a harsh sentence for that one, either...it's certainly a justifiable offense!


As much as I like the answer "they are from New York" (my ex-husband is a NYer) since I work for a small wireless company I can assure you the reason is that people are stupid.

I actually had a guy in an airport take the urinal next to me while talking on his cell phone!

Now THAT is over the line...

If I hadn't been so shocked I woulda yelled something like "Hey buddy I taking a leak! OH...so are you...do THEY know that!?"

I ride a train in to work. I have to deal with these idiots yelling into their cell phones on almost a daily basis. After a while, I start pegging where the idiots like to regularly sit, and seek out an idiot-free seat on the train, but that strategy is not always successful.

Their conversations usually go something like this:


I'm thinking, we had to split our region into three or four area codes for THIS?

One time, a guy got on and talked for the entire trip at decibels only slightly less than our train's horn. I mean, this guy was FREAKIN' LOUD. Two sherrif's deputies were on the train sitting a couple seats away from him. Did they do anything? No. They gave him long, icy stares, but that was it.

Oh, how I wish I could've used a jammer.

I actually had a guy in an airport take the urinal next to me while talking on his cell phone! - Drew

The next stall thing is even worse!! First time it happened I about freaked.

Next stall:Hi, how ya doin'

Me: ??? silence

Next stall:I said: how ya doin'

Me: ??? silence

Next stall:You all right?

Me: *just about to answer mr. freakenstall back with a good Tony Saprano* "Youse Talkin' to me?????" when:

Next stall:Oh I'm fine, just talking care of business, I'll be home tomorrow sweetie, let me talk to mommy, love ya /// Hi hon ...........

Can't you wait until your "business" is done????

I once worked for a boss who was a candidate for cellphone implant technology. He would even call the office from the parking lot. The restrooms were right next to the main computer room, and, one day, three of my co-workers and I heard his phone ringing behind the restroom door. Danged if he didn't answer it. I mean, his desk was 10 feet away from the restroom, he had voicemail, and he could set it to roll calls over to one of our desks...you'd think he could've gone a few minutes without the phone!


Psychocat, I finally have to say it! I'm Cat People (male, not fixed myself) but I just love your kitty signature! Maybe off-topic....

But really, I just can't see being so connected I can't take a pee in peace let alone a sit-down job ;-) Your boss sounds like he has TOO MUCH of an ego problem...there's gotta be some sortof meds for that kindof constipation by now.

Cat People??? Will my tinfoil hat protect me from Cat People, or do I need to get "puppy slippers"?

To answer Dave's question:
Because they do not like you.

Cat People unite! Mrrowww!

Hiya Webmom, don' need a mom, but Thanks, purrrr :-)

BMX3. No, tinfoil is for midnight kitty-play like a mouse *whack* *pounce* *flinnng* *repeat* Got the point of them claws now?

Hey, waitaminnit! Isn't this a re-run? :-)

Because if you are talking to someone who doesn't speak english it just makes sense that they will understand more if you shout

take ur stereo along.listen to loud music.while shouting on YOUR phone.

B-gurl: who says you need an actual phone to shout into? Like alex said, some of those wireless jobbies make the other folks wonder why they're talking to them .. only to find out it's a wireless phone.

I think you could have fun with this. Use a key fob, pack of gum, wallet, whatever's handy and SHOUT YOUR HEART OUT. Let your inner actor out.

I actually would like to see noise cancellation headsets that cancel out human voices. Let me hear the background hum and noise.

Dear MOTW--ur absolutely right.forget the phone.stick a piece of wire somewhr-for aesthetics.and TALK LOUDLY.

BECAUSE WHEN YOU TALK LOUDER YOU CAN HEAR BETTER - doesn't everyone know that? And if you talk louder to people who don't understand English, they will understand better.

Re: bathroom phone talkers: didn't Dave do a column on this once? I remember that one. It was laugh-out-loud funny.

Unlike this comment.

I just purchased that portable jammer that looks like a cellphone from the UK. It was about $350 with shipping. It does look like it works, however, you have to be fairly close to somebody, like within 10 feet depending on the environment. That might not be a bad thing since I'm a physician and am really only interested in jamming a cellphone in my office that is being used by someone I am talking to. I think it's incredibly rude to answer a cellphone when someone is standing right in front of you talking. The battery only lasts about 2.5 hours a charge so it's not something you walk around with on all the time. I will definitely be taking it to movie theaters, also.

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