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March 31, 2004


First, I apologize to those of you who send in links, only to see a link you sent posted with somebody else getting the credit. Here I'm thinking specifically of Mike Gaston*, who emailed about this, but it's also probably true of a lot of other folks.

The problem is that this blog operation is about as organized as a tub of live bait. The blog isn't my day job, and it definitely isn't judi's, so what we do is check the mail when we can, and kind of zip through it in a cursory and inefficient manner, hurl some links up, and get back to work, or what passes for work in our case. As a result we have a HUGE backlog of unread emails, and the truth is we'll never get to all of them. All I can say is, we do what we can, and we hope you understand if we don't get your link up here.

And now for the Travel Advisory: Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to get from Miami to Fayetteville, Ark., by air -- to my knowledge, nobody has ever done this -- so I won't be posting much, if anything, until probably the weekend. I can't speak for judi, but she might post some stuff, because that is the kind of bloggerette she is.

Anyway, take care. I will let you know if the Great Wall of China is visible from Fayetteville.

*NOTE TO DAVE: The person who emailed you was Patrick Patterson. Way to make amends.

*NOTE FROM DAVE: What, now I'm supposed to read things?


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If you happen to see the Great Wall while flying to Fayetteville, it's probably safe to say that you are on the wrong plane.

We are indebted to you and judi, Dave.

"hurl some links up"

So, like, should the name of the third field on the Comment form be changed to "hURL"?

It's entirely possible, that one would be routed through Beijing travelling from Miami to Fayetteville (particularly on American)

I think I goofed on the html on that one, but I'm not sure what I did wrong. Oh well.

Punky, just ask your doc for some plane-trip ativan. Or xanax. You'll be good to go.

Benedryl has also been known to work...

Just don't miss your layovers! Have fun in Jackson Hole. You can have a lot of fun with a town name like that, if you had a dirty mind.

Hey Blognick, I sent that one in too!

My favorite today, which they haven't used so far (hint hint), but which I'm too lazy to go back and find, was the music teacher in New York (yeah, where else, some of you are thinking, right?) who -- apparently as a joke on another teacher (don't ask me) -- hung a little 5 year old by his belt loop in the closet! Of course the poor kid was traumatized and of course Daddy is suing for $5 million (a tad excessive I thought). But the best part of the story, from my point of view, was the kid's name (wait for it) which, believe it or not, was Imhotep Lubin! I mean, can you believe these people named their child Imhotep? THEY should go to jail for that. No wonder the kid was picked on and hung up in a closet. IMHOTEP?????

You forgot to close the tag. In the future put an open bracket (). It should look like this ->

I'm sure Dave will get to Fayetteville in time for biscuits and gravy. When your luggage arrives in Winnipeg, Sidcup or Peking I could send it on by ship.

*sigh* Apparently my knowledge of HTML is worse than yours. Either way it's a open bracket .


I sincerely hope this one works.

Lotta Dave travel lately. Book tour?

Please, take my wife.

don't mind us Dave...it's not like the blog is a big part of our lives or anything. btw...did you know that the unofficial slogan of Arkansas is: "At least it's not Oklahoma"?

Don't know if this was in response to my email, but I was entirely joking. This blog is the bright spot of my otherwise boring day job. In fact I think that my boss is paying me to look at amusing websites some days. Thanks again for all the hard work on the blog. Dave Barry (and Judi) for president!

jsharp,thanks for the helpful link. :)

Blognik: Forgot the </a;>gt;.

Hey Dave,

They'll probably want to take you someplace fancy, like "Beaver Lake" (fancy being a relative term). But make them take you to "Toad Suck Park" - that's near Little Rock, I think, but must be worth the drive, and is certainly visible from space.

Anyway - Toad Suck Park, which is NOT made up, and sports some sort of toads whose skin oil makes people high (or at least Arkansans), should be column-worthy.

Or, if you want to save time, follow the link:

"Toad Suck Daze, Conway, Ark. - Held in downtown Conway each spring, Toad Suck Daze is a family oriented festival with fun for all. In addition to toad races, there are many more events, including golf tournaments and a 10K run. Contact the Conway Chamber of Commerce at (501) 327-7799 or visit www.toadsuck.org."

Have a safe trip!

D'oh! That was </a>

This is why i don't send links in to The Blog Staff. I'm just not sure i could go on if i'd sent in a link, and then didn't see it up on the blog page within the hour. Then, what if it got posted with somebody else's name? Worse yet, what if my name got spelled wrong? Horror of horrors!

So what exactly DOES Dave do all day?

And cuzn...it seems to me as if it is likely that your name is Ed. Think he's gonna misspell Ed?

No problem, Blognik.

See? It even took OtherDave two tries. I don't feel so dumb now.

eye r gud intarweb ppl.

He asses around on his computer for a cazillion dollars an hour.

C'mon, pay attention!

I think that feeder flight into Fayetteville is a crop duster. So hang on, bubba! Actually, F'ville is a quaint college town up in the Ozarks. I hear tell they speak something near English there. Have fun; but beware of the Razorbacks. Say "Go Hogs!" a lot and you'll be fine.

I think Dave's just making excuses for shoddy work. Kinda like I do when I try to explain my GPA to the 'rents. He just doesn't want a blog uprising.

But that's just me.

The masses are restless...

this part of the masses disagrees. I wanna see what Dave/judi thinks is funny, not what morons like me think is funny.

this part of the masses disagrees. I wanna see what Dave/judi thinks is funny, not what morons like me think is funny.

this part of the masses disagrees. I wanna see what Dave/judi thinks is funny, not what morons like me think is funny.

I'm surprised Dave's kept the comments up as long as he has. He must be afraid to turn it off or the Commander-Commenters will show up at his house!

Ah! Jesus! Sorry about that, folks.

Gawd, I LOVED that book.

The movie almost made me pee my underoos.



Perhaps, in lieu of an apology, you could have suggested that Mike Gaston stop being such a whiny bazootyhead.

Would either Other Dave or Blognik please apprise me of how toinclude links to my comments? I would be so grateful -- thanks

Thanks JT. Should have known that toad sucking could not have escaped Dave's attention.

wait. isn't it: 'take my wife--please!'?

I cannot find a Duck Suck Lake on the internet. Why?

I got to see the movie on the *very last day* it played in St Petersburg, in a theatre with approximately 3 other humans in it.

Luckily, they were fans, too.

Has anyone released it on DVD yet?

(Or should I have followed the link to Antichrist.com? Er, excuse me...)

"....Have fun; but beware of the Razorbacks. Say "Go Hogs!" a lot and you'll be fine."

- nouti

Actually, you'll be much better off sayin' "How 'bout dem Hogs!!!!!!!!" Also, try working "rebuilding the secondary" and whether you think "Matt Jones should play more at Wide-out or stay at QB" into your conversations.

85% forced lesbian marriages? I didn't even know gay marriage was legal in Briton...

And what's with the time travel? I click on the blog link and WOW! I'm in the middle of last week! I try to warn people of the past of upcoming events then BANG! Back to this week.

Yeah, Lee, that's what I was thinking too! Those crazy Brits, always with something strange happening!

"First Prize" for travelers is a one day stay in Fayetteville.


I'm am becoming increasingly nervous that you are not reading my comments. It's mostly the travel, Dave Barry here, Dave Barry there, etc, I wonder where is the time to go over my comments and review them mentally, let alone print them out and share with family, friends, pets, military officers. Dave, consider this a favor, when you ignore commenters, you ignore infrastructure!

"Actually, you'll be much better off sayin' "How 'bout dem Hogs!!!!!!!!" Also, try working "rebuilding the secondary" and whether you think "Matt Jones should play more at Wide-out or stay at QB" into your conversations"

As I said, they speak something near English.....
guess you're on your own, Dave.

Please don't mind Fayetteville. It is small, laid-back, and surprisingly hilly. You may encounter squirrels, razorbacks, and freshmen. Pay them no mind. The people you will speak to are the energetic youth of America, possibly made more so by ample supplies of coffee from the coffeeshop just down the hall from where you will speak. (Note: Beware the bathrooms).

Also, don't blink, you might miss NW Arkansas Regional Airport. But please, do blink on the trip from there to Fayetteville, as the ride there is somewhat frightening.

My advice: Keep your eye out for the Stuff Mart.

What? Not your day job? But Dave, isn't entertaining the rest of us the reason you get up each morning (or afternoon, as the case may be)? We're pathetic junkies i your hands, you get us hooked then pull the rugs (or do I mean drugs?) out from under us (or some other strained metaphor).

Anyway, have a great trip and watch out for those airport cellphone screamers. My favorite: just as the plane lands the guy dials up (he can't light up anymore)and says, "Hi. We just landed. No, I'm still on the plane. I'll call you back." (Two minutes later) "I'm on the way to get my luggage, I should be there in 5-6 minutes." Hey, you have to take your pleasure where you find it.

Does "HTML Not Permitted" technically refer to ALL fields, or just the 2 Required fields (name & e-mail)?

I've seen quite a few people posting links, including one above explaining how to post links, so I'm assuming it's the latter . . .

I have family in both Fayetteville and Conway, and have to say the worst thing about northwest Arkansas just might be the food. They chicken-fry *everything*, including pizza. Also, I once ordered a pastrami sandwich at an "authentic" deli. They not only served it on white bread, but they put sandwich spread on it. That's mayonnaise with pickle relish mixed in, for those of you lucky enough to have missed that aisle in the grocery store.

Maybe that's why Toad Sucking got started.

Russ, yes, you can put html in your postings. Like this or this.

I never got what this poem was about until today - always thought it was making fun of Southerners. This blog is "educational", too.

Toad Suckers

How 'bout them toad suckers, ain't they clods?
Sittin' there suckin' them green toady frogs!

Suckin' them hop toads, suckin' them chunkers,
Suckin' them a leapy type, suckin' them flunkers.

Look at them toad suckers, ain't they snappy?
Suckin' them bog frogs sure make's 'em happy!

Them hugger mugger toad suckers, way down south,
Stickin' them sucky toads in they mouth!

How to be a toad sucker, no way to duck it,
Get yourself a toad, rear back, and suck it!

-- Mason Williams

Tommer ... I just love 18th Century English Literature ... :)

Classical Gas was his best!

I flew into Fayetteville last October (to buy a car of all reasons). Quite an experience; be sure to wave at the cows on approach. Also, enjoy the unique occurrence of landing on one of the two available runways and then executing a U Turn (on the same runway) to reach the terminal "gate" (note the singular form.)

There's an MP3 floating around, from The Mason Williams Phonograph Record, of him performing that rhythmic poem live with an audience. It's "rare" back, BTW, according to my copy of The Mason Williams Printed Matter, his contemporaneous book.

Gas is great (and so is Gnutella-net; I have about 15 different versions of it), but the rest of that album is actaully quite good as well; "Saturday Night At The World", and one other one I can't recall the title of at the moment, are probably my favorites.

(Oh, and reply to follow, Punks; my mail server's backbone has a hole in it tonight.)

Dave this horrifying trip to 19th century America is certainly interesting, but what this fraction of the mass wishes to know is: Whose parking space is closer to their office? Yours or Carl Hiassen's? Do you guys hang out or is he above this blogging of the masses? btw...the blog mass is expecting big things on April Fool's Day.

Dave, here in Arkansas we have a saying.

I attended the University of Arkansas for four years and have lived in Fayetteville for two years now passed graduation, and I can honestly say, and I'm not making this up, that there is no fried pizza in town. Nor is there fried Twinkies or fried Oreos or fried mobsters. We do fry the French, though.

The airport, which is five years old, rest somewhere between a cow pasture and a chicken field. To my knowledge, no airplane has ever been hit by a flying cow, but there have been numerous half-dead chickens found on the runway. Those are normally fried and served at the airport diner.

We here in Northwest Arkansas, and I speak for all Dave Barry for president fans, love Dave Barry and want him to be president. "We want him to be president," Mayor Dan Coody supposedly said to the cashier at the EZ Mart who then told the information to her cousin, whom she has not married (they're engaged), who then told her hairdresser who told her uncle who told the sheriff who then relayed the information to the local newspaper, which ran an article, "Barry To Marry EZ Mart Cashier."

We'll be Calling the Hogs in anticipation of your arrival. And if nothing else, you'll find plenty of breats awaiting you, and we'll be glad to show you then as soon as we scrap the chickens off the runway.

The chicken-fried pizza was just hyperbole, Jeffro. But having visited that part of the country since 1964, I can honestly say if anyone would fry up pizza, people in that area would.

I was born and still live in Chicago, and know we don't fry mobsters. We ask them to build casinos.

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