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March 31, 2004

ANOTHER KITCHEN HAZARD

Really hot recipes.

(Thanks to many alert readers)

Comments

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We deeply regret an incindiary experience this may have caused our readers.

Well, ok, but flaming shortening doesn't really hold a candle to flaming Pop-Tarts(tm), does it?

Can I say 'hold a candle' there?

Flaming shortening would be sort of similar to holding a candle, wouldn't it?

No one noticed that the recipe had been submitted by Tyler Durden.

Who's Tyler Durden?

the protagonist of "Fight Club"

I eat Lipton Sidekicks Mashed Potatoes all the time and that's water and butter that you boil. What's the difference? If there's water in the pan, shouldn't that automatically prevent a fire? How do you light water on fire? Anyone here a science teacher?

Thanks for clearing that up, Alex. What were you attempting to cook on said camping trip? Hopefully not wieners.

The #1 rule of Icebox Rolls is, I can't tell you who submitted the recipe for Icebox Rolls.

what, you never heard of the flaming cuyahoga?

Geez, have one river catch on fire and people never let ya forget it. What's the big deal? I'm sure that other bodies of water have caught on fire.

At least Clevelanders didn't burn Lake Erie.

At least it left the editor "quite gutted."

No, what's a flaming cuyahoga? Is that like in the movie "A Civil Action" where the river ignites because of all the chemicals in it?

I don't eat shortening anyway. Gross.

Flaming Ice Box Rolls, isnt that a gay mexican football(yes,soccer)team?

Cuyahoga
Usage: geographical name
River 100 miles (161 kilometers) NE Ohio flowing into Lake Erie at Cleveland

Gee, Brad, my guess would be to top it with a nice cranberry napalm.

Brad. Your uncle earn a Darwin Award, Buddy? Hope not.

Ah, thanks for helping me out there, MOTW. Leave it to the Americans to have strange names for their bodies of water. Cuyahoga. Pffbt.

Needless to say "Flaming Shortening" would not be a good name for a rock band.

I think that article is way overestimating Jessica Simpson if they think,(1) she can cook, (2) she can read and follow directions, or (3) if she could do either she would find the flaming ice box thingies at all strange. Maybe if it came in a can...

I had a boyfriend who refered to an area of my anatomy as "little pillows from heaven" once, too. But they're far less likely to catch fire.

Tomorrow's Man: If this is your first time making icebox rolls, you have to eat a roll.

We just had a "near-bread" experience.

Also, "the Cranberry Napalm" would be a good name for a band.

Tomorrow's Man: "Wait, just wait -- it can't be."
Tyler Durden: "It's time to face the truth."
Tomorrow's Man: "You mean...all this time...I am...I mean, I was me and...?"
Tyler Durden: "Yes. Just admit it."
Tomorrow's Man: "I was me...and the Pillsbury Doughboy."
Tyler Durden: "Congratulations. You are one step closer to the oven."

Nope, no Darwin, no injuries, and actually, no fire. We're not sure how we lucked out. But every Christmas we ask if it's on the menu. I have to tell you, diesel fried turkey does not smell appetizing.

OK, OK, I'll tell the whole story; you can draw your own conclusions. So much for pay per view.

We drove up to the house for Christmas dinner, and something smelled horrible. We assumed it was something from the chemical plants up the river and went inside.

Now, I was nowhere around the frying turkey. The next thing I knew of it, it came in, and although I am blind, my relatives told me that it looked beautiful; perfectly done. But it smelled horrible! Just horrible! And I didn't need anybody to tell me that. So here we are, all baffled. Fried turkey has never smelled like this.

Well, my aunt took a piece of the skin and said, "Oh God it tastes like gasoline!"

Then my grandmother tasted it and said in her loudest voice, "Oh baby! that's terrible! What happened?" Nobody wanted to take responsibility for what had happened, but in the long run it was determined that when Uncle #1 went to Uncle #2's house to get the peanut oil, there were two containers side by side. One contained peanut oil, and the other contained diesel.

So I can't explain to you why it didn't explode, and I can't give you cooking temperatures or reasons why we're all still alive today. But if you'd have been there about eight or nine years ago, I could have given you turkey that "tastes like gasoline."

Come on, tell me I could make that up!

Brad: That's :::: hysterical! ::::

(and yet frightening)

I, personally, think that "Pillows from Heaven" is the best candidate for a band name I've heard here yet.

But my infantile bias is well known amongst my friends...

as a former clevelander, i feel like i should also add that "cuyahoga" means "crooked river"...and i also want to inject my opinion on tyler durden. protagonist? what? he was definitely the antagonist.

I still bug our parents about it every time we eat french fries too :)

Alex, I don't know the answer to that. I don't live in the same state as these people, let alone the same house. I cannot account for their habits of storing odd things together.

As someone who works with some Southern Belles (the kind that make Scarlett O'Hara look like trailer trash) who treat Southern Living as Gospel, want to not only thank judi for posting this item, I want to offer her my second born child. (No, really. It should be ready to come out of the oven at the end of June. I can FedEx it if you want!)

Day after day I endure warning e-mails from these well-meaning souls on serious issues like why I should use the full-service gas pump because if someone calls me on my cell phone while I'm refueling, I'll spontaneously combust or some such.

I was finally able to send a warning back to them ...they are sequesterd in an office as I type, questioning every Southern Living recipe they've made this past month (somewhere in the triple digits). Thank you, judi! Now, where should I send the kid?

Rip it up - move down
Rip it up - move it down to the ground
Rip it up - cool down
Rip it up - and get the feeling not the word

this is a ↑ test

just another test ↑
That should do it. But just in ↑ case. or not.

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