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February 26, 2004

HELPFUL BOOK

A need is met.

(Thanks to Cat Conner)

Comments

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I have finally decided what to take to give to Dave, but I need everyone's help - I need a one liner from each of the MOATIES. So that I don't have to search through the MOAT, I'd appreciate it if you would post them here, so they'll all be in one place.

Thanks!

FIRST!

Ask not what your --- oh wait. I think that's been used before.

*grope*

____________________________________

Is that what you meant?
*wide-eyed look*
Eleanor

"One-liners for Dave" wbagnfarb or maybe an inspirational book...

I've just woken up from what seems like a zillion hours of sleep, so forgive me if this makes no sense:

"Boogers should be seen and not heard."

Thank you. I'll be here all night.

No, I am not drunk. That really is what popped into my head just now. I wonder what it means.

i'd send you my love, Dave. but i left my heart in san francisco. or was it my teeth? *smek smek* oh, thit.

Is that your oosik, or are you just happy to see me?

*looks around*
*notices blank stares*
*walks away, backwards*

(this is not a final draft.. I will probably be back..)(Also, it's very long for a one-liner.. I'll work on that)

I asked the voices in my head what I should do today. They said "Read Dave Barry's Blog!" Then there was one little voice (from waaay down the back) that said "Dress your weasel in a tutu". Now I've got two things to do today.

HA!! I like it, Kaf. :D

It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the booger
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Just want to say, for the record, that I do NOT pick my nose. I couldn't, it's always runny, so I blow it a lot, but I know people who have picked their noses (my brother for one, he would pick and eat it, and once picked and ate a bogie from my sister's nose. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!)

*puts a sign on Sarah J's brother's back: "THIS MAN HAS EATEN SOMEONE ELSE'S BOOGERS. DISINFECT BEFORE USE."*

Ask I think you should put together the you might be a Dave Barry Bloglit if...
list. What are you doing with these one liners so I can figure out what to say.

So far all I got is Dave Barry- the man, the myth, the booger.

I'll try to show you what I am thinking on the Y this evening - I couldn't get there from here today.

*grumble*

Still efforting. My net access disappeared for a few hours.

ask, do you mean one-liners written by Dave?

(guess mine was funnier in my head:(

"Someone Else's Boogers" WBAGNFARB, then again, I wouldn't want to see the album art.

*tap, tap* Is this thing on?

No - written to dave by you. And I thought yours was hilarious!

I asked the voices in my head what I should do today. They said "Read Dave Barry's Blog!" Then there was one little voice (from waaay down the back) that said "Dress your weasel in a tutu". Now I've got two things to do today.

Posted by: Kafaleni | 04:16 PM on April 17, 2006

*SNORK!

"I thought I was funny ... until I read Dave Barry's Blog. Now I know I'm in good company!"

*goes to find a weasel tutu*

*insert witticism that won't get me slapped with a restraining order here*

oooh.. bold colour choice, Kibbster

whew.. n tnx!


(ginormous Snork @ "Dress your weasel in a tutu")

I think elfbrains wrote his own best line: "I can't get there from here."

It's definitely a mullet.

Clearly not original to me...but I don't see it here yet.

"Then there's the whole penis thing."

What? It's a line I've heard alot around he---ooooh something shiny--->

Dave, please help. These people are holding me hostage. It's not against my will exactly, but I find myself unable to escape the mighty hold that is the MOAT. I find myself punning, and double-entendre-ing, fearing the robot, snorking at Insom, dreaming about MOATaritas, and randomly yelling "FIRST!" at the most inappropriate moments, and...

Please give Amy Tan my warmest regards.

Dave - we just wanted to, like, you know, thank you so totally for all your, like, totally cool publicity bulletins bulletins bulletins.

You're, like, the ginchiest!

Dave - why don't you contact me before your show? I wrote a song about you that you could include. How about it?

Dave, you need to get yourself some hand lotion. Those callouses are killing me.

And keep your plunger to yourself!

Looks like mom and dad have been amusing themselves.

My contribution: "WBAGNFARB"

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That.

Really.

"you Neil Diamond fans out there can stop writing irate unsigned letters telling me tha I am not worthy to be a dandruff flake on Neil's head, OK?"
" '. . . song she sang to me, song she brang to me . . .' "
"Of course I think those lyrics are brilliant; however, they brang out a lot of hostility in the readers."

AND

"Likewise, there are boiling pools of animosity out there for Barry 'I Write The Songs' Manilow."

*tries to think of a funny one-liner*
*fails*
*tries to think of a funny many-liner*
*fails*
*tries to remember anything funny, ever*
dang. Sorry; I'm the non-funny, but dedicated moatie.

Dave - rumors are spreading like wildfire that the band has been experimenting with a fourth chord. Is this true, and can you tell your fans whether it might be unveiled at the Dallas show?

*Counts lines*
*Scatological expletive*

What about that raise, Dave? Huh?

From 4-20-2006: "Nothing like a wailing sax at 6 a.m., except maybe root canal."

I swear I am not making this up. [ISIANMTU]

Clarification:ASK wants one-liners that WE wrote to Dave, such as-
"Size doesn't matter - it's how you oosik."

Ooops ... sorry, Annie. I blame myself.

Rubber cement looks like boogers, even before you breathe the fumes.

So how did it go, guys?

All comments were printed, then cut&pasted onto index cards w/ bon-bons stapled to them. I presented them to Dave in a red bag with 'DAVE'S BON MOTS' in large letters on the side. He loved them.

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