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August 30, 2003

TELEPHONE-BOOK-ART BLOOPER OF THE WEEK

Whoops.

(Thanks again to Ben Studtmann)

Comments

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the moat is my source of wisdom and understanding

have any of u had trouble with mother in laws?
( its for another article)

wat sort? and how did u sort it out?

bangi! You're finished with the spices already???? How many Cokes have you had today?? :)

DDi, thanks for the good advice! Will do! Is all this music you buy for an iPod (I don't have one) or can you download it on your computer??? If this is a complicated answer, e-mail me! :)

LOL, nope, not complicated.

It goes onto my 'puter first and then I can save whatever songs I want (or have the 'puter choose at random) onto the ipod thingy. Quite easy to use this little thingy is. Perhaps thats part of my problem..if only it were a bit more complicated I would lose attention.... OH! Look! ----> Something shiny!!

*stumbles over to the corner to see whats glistening from the darkness*

Bangi, I've not been married, or I have and I don't remember. Either way, the mother-in-law type issues were dealt with very simply... I helped their sons realize that I was always right and that mom was always crazy.

They are now recovering comfortably in my cellar.

El, I, too, received that same e-mail from Elder John Wool this morning; addressed to "slyeyes".

*peers intently in the shadows*

Me thinks we need to schedule an exterminator.

Anyone else here on Elder John Wool's mailing list??

Happy Birthday Jackieeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*still snorking* Sly, I love your stories!

Happy Birthday Jackie!!!

Come to think of it, I think I did get an email from John Wool, but didn't read it.

Elder John Wool sounds like a pair of pants
nice warm pants for winter
no, i dont know wat im talking abt

Dear MOAT,

I'd like to extend you to this very fine offer. I work as the janit-erm Chief Analyst at the Poopsplashy National Trusting Bank and Used Pinto Dealership. A US Citizen, Jack Mehoff, died in 1996 in a horrible accident involving a Koala bear and a merry-go-round. This leaves his entire bank account, #0100100100100000011000010110110100100000011000010110111000100000011000010111001101110011011010000110000101110100 with no legal kin to claim it.

I got your name from the bathroom wall and ask that you make a claim as next of kin as a foreigner and just all around nice person. You see, a Poopsplashy resident cannot claim next of kin. We will split the account, which has a current balance of $14.89 (US Dollars) 65%/46%.

Please don't tell my mom.

Thank you.

Yep--Sly's stories r awesome

*has paralyzing moment of fear that I stretched the margins*

Whew! Guess there is something to be said for the new blog.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*runs thru moat screaming wildly*
*is followed by a pack of elephants, 5 giraffes, 2 zebras and an emu*

*rereads directions on deoderant spray*
wow..when they said 'wild magnetism' they meant it!

*snork* *snork*

Joshkr and bangi.

BTW, with all the Moat goings on last night, I suppose it's supeflues superfluas needless to point out that there was a full moon last night, 'cause you all knew that already and that's why you were acting that way, right?

Dear John Wool,

It would be an honor for me to help you spend your money. The split you propose sounds fine to me.
Please send me a picture of yourself without any pants, so I can "see" if further negociations are worthwhile.
Thank you.
Signed,
Sucker who's hoping for the best.

I thought the full moon was tonight...

I missed eadn and Polly? Awww drat. Good to see that they were here at least, even if I wasn't.

Jeff, tell Jackie I said to have a happy birthday!

And since I forgot yesterday, KingW, I hope you had a happy one too!

Sly, from last night, I was at work, Mitch is a co-worker. The football game was over, and he was coming back out to the station to edit the recorded game broadcast.

Kaf, I have seen colorless Jello...I don't know if they still make it, but for a while there was a grape one that was clear, and it came with candy sprinkles to add to the clear jello. I still have a box or two of it.

DjT...how did you know I wanted a turnip twaddler? I must not watch enough late night tv to find one of my own.

I have not gotten anything from Elder John Wood...that I know of. I didn't check the junk mail as yet today.

Happy Birthday, Jackie!

*looks forlorn*
I didn't get any emails from Elder John Wool. I guess you have to be American to be thought special to the Wool family of Poopysplashy.

On mothers in law, I hope I get one like my sister did. Of course, it's never quite that easy. But her m-i-l has become a good friend of the entire family. She invited me to Christmas at her place last year. If we bump into each other at the mall or in town, she's always interested in what's going on, and (like her son) she's a hugger! So everyone gets a hug when you see her. She's a real sweetie.

Eleanor,

Well, ok...

Dear Mr. Wool,

Never mind.

*runs back into moat*
El...dont trust him,,i believe he's trying to pull the wool over ur eyes...or sth

Not planning to be a sucker for that, then El?

Memo to MOAT

I have standards.
/end memo

Query: If you draw a line in the sand, as they say, and the sand moves, then where are you?

Answer: You are where you were before the sand moved?

*runs in*

*puts sand in Eleanor's pants*

*runs out*

Oh, we're wearing pants today?

Oooops.

DDI - but how can you be sure? If the line moves, then where exactly do you stand, metaphorically speaking?

*sits down in hammock*

*feels something scratchy and itchy on her backside*

HEY! What's going on here?

No, no Susan, Josh was just putting some sand in El's pants to be sure the wind didn't blow them away.

See, I'm not wearing any pants either...

Anything I can help with?

Eleanor, was this the line you drew?

Heya guyals...would this be a productivity enhancer?

Guess the bra size!

Well, something is enhanced at any rate.

*warning sorta*

Is this the equipment you'd be using, Joshkr?

Well, never mind my inability to guess bra sizes when I can see the area in question...I think it was lucky guesses on the ones I did get right.

*looks around to see if there are any pants that need removing*

*realizes there are no pants around cause everyone is guessing bra sizes*

No it isn't, Skull Crusher -

Here is mine!

And I mean it!!!

*plays in the sand for a while*

See Susan in sandbox.
See Susan having fun in sandbox.
See Eleanor get in sandbox to play with Susan.
See Eleanor having fun.

See Susan and Eleanor playing nice in sandbox.
See Susan and Eleanor having fun.

See Susan and Eleanor throwing sand toward Joshkr who is aproaching without any pants!!!

Run, Susan, Run!!!


See Eleanor and Susan punish Josh for his debauchery.

Happy Birthday Jackie!!!

(You're a good woman. And not to mention having to put up with that old cantankerous Jeff for all these years.) ;-P

See Moaties Play
See them with no pants
See me join them in a flash
See the Jello and Twister
See Joshkr fiddle with his Mr.Mister
See this joke going downhill

Cheers and Happy evening all!

Anyone seen a Blogchik confession????

*goes back to the basement to await confirmation*

Hi guys, and thanks for all the birthday wishes for Jackie.

She got to go to her second show in a week, this one the one I really didn't want to see: All Shook Up.

I pictured it as Footloose (sorry, hated it) with Elvis songs and it was, sort of, but it was so silly and good-natured and just plain goofy fun that it was actually quite enjoyable. I can't see paying $100 a ticket (which is what top Broadway prices are now), but I'd say that about any show, and we paid less than a third of that.

They used 26 Elvis songs (including a few I didn't know). Cheyenne Jackson, the guy who played the lead, reminded me much more of Bruce Campbell than Elvis.

And yes, we bought even more CDs to go with those we got on Wednesday.

Program note: just saw Paul Simon doing "That Was Your Mother" from Graceland with Buckwheat Zydeco; a classic. Robin Williams was his usual self.

Hi.

Happy b'day, Jackie!

Bye.

Graz- You sneaky Bastid!

So, How'd the bar hop go.

Did you at least get bombed???!!!?? (which ever one of your choice)

Speaking of bombed, I have to take shelter in the basement, because I am a menace even unto myself.

I may explode at any moment.

Plus, I'm not wearing chaps, erm I mean any pants.

I tried to get perky for you Fish, but the blog called me spam. I think I might be insulted.

WOLFIE- Do it again.

Puh lease.

I don't think I'm allowed to, but I'll try.

*perks*

um.

ty.

pg.

ok.

wo.

pw.

ld.

Sincerly,

Fh

My work here is done for the night I think.
G'nite Moat.

I know i've already shared this with you but... Featured band of the month Click Bowe Band. Then click the button to let you listen. Yeah, some of those are my words. *grins* And it WAS a perfect day, too.

*borrows Eleanor's zipper*

*zips in*

*waves to everyone*

bangi - I do have pre-packaged masala in the spice cabinet, but when I'm doing serious Indian or Thai cooking I also keep on hand:

Whole and ground Fenugreek
Whole and ground Coriander Seed
Whole and ground cumin seed
Fresh Kaffir Lime leaves
Whole and ground Cardamom
Whole and ground Cinnamon
Whole and ground Cloves
Saffron
Kalonji (little black onion seeds)
Lemons, limes, and oranges
Tahina
Black and white sesame seeds

That's just guessing, I know there's a lot more in the spice cabinet that I forgot about. Most of the time I customize my masala for whatever dish I'm making... but the standard garam masala will do if you want to just add a little flavor to a boring dish like chicken salad.

Ugh ...

Forecast for this week includes at least 3 days of rain, possibly some snow just to top things off. This is supposed to be spring. I wish to lodge a complaint.

Fortunately, I have no one else in my house tonight.. and when I wake up in the morning, I won't be trailed by a small nagging child. That can wait till I get to work.

I was going to make peanut butter brownies tonight, but now I can't be bothered. Tomorrow night, maybe.

Lt. Bellamy - there's always time for brownies.


*drooooooooooool*

DJT,
I luv u
Bangi

Mmmmmm... kaffir lime leaves... I can just smell them.

I guess Elder John Wool doesn't want to marry me.

Thank goodness for that.

Hi, Bangi, sorry I missed you yesterday.

Don't really have any help for you on the mother-in-law question. My late in-laws were somewhat peculiar people in a number of ways but generally meant well and we never had open conflict. Jackie was the one who didn't get along with them at times, especially her mother.

As for my parents, again, we keep our distance - the 2500+ mile buffer is probably the best way to keep peace in the family. I speak to them once a week and we see them once a year (on average).

Any conflicts we've had have been with both of us, not Jackie vs. my mother per se.

I do know others with in law problems. The most important thing, it seems to me, is to recognize that when you get married your spouse has to become #1 in your life and your mother (or father, as the case may be) has to recognize and accept that. A lot of mothers in particular seem to have a problem with that, in which case the son HAS to make it clear.

Or at least that's how I see it.

Rules for in laws:

1. DO NOT EVER get in the middle of a conflict between your child & his or her spouse. They have to work it out for themselves.

*bops in singing "It's a perfect day"

Good job, Neo.

The Old Webster Jazz Festival last night was great. The headliner was a local favorite Billy Peek. He has a background with Chuck Berry and Rod Stewart, among others. Many times, including last year, the headliner was Johnny Johnson, the "Johnny" in Chuck Berry's "Johnny B Goode." Johnny died this year at the age of 80. I got to see him three times last year and he was GREAT up to the end. A great deal of Billy's last set last night was a tribute to Johnny. To the tune of "Johnny B Goode", he sang "Johnny Good-Bye".

The Jazz Festival is sponsored by the businesses of the Old Webster section of Webster Groves. A quirk of that is to have the main stage set up right next to the train tracks. As the Union Pacific freights roll through, the bands keep playing and the crowds keep swelling. Living in Webster and Kirkwood means dealing with the trains and it's just part of the background.

The end of Billy's show was more old time rock n roll than jazz...and I gotta tell you, a middle aged mosh pit is a hoot. I can just hear the moanin' and groanin' in Webster/Kirkwood as the old time rockers wake up and get moving.

Johnny B. Achin'.

Huh. My link to Billy Peek didn't work on that post. Maybe this one will.

Update from Page Six of the NY Post on this tragic event.

September 18, 2005 -- RENEE Zellweger and Kenny Chesney's split should be easy and painless. Our sources say Chesney - who is worth more than 10 times what Zellweger is and pulled down $60 million last year - had his lawyers draw up a prenup that made it clear "each party walks away with what they came into the marriage with. There never was or will be any spousal support," a pal said. The couple's pals were always doubtful the two would last - but knew the marriage was over in August when Zellweger opted to hang out at her houses in Pomfret, Conn., and in East Hampton, where she favored the Blue Parrot on weekends, rather than visit her hubby on tour. "It is amicable," a pal said. "We all knew it was a romantic impulse to get married and that it would never work."

What happened to Saturday? I seem to have misplaced it somewhere.

Sorry for being late. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. A no pants party on my birthday is exactly what I wanted. Maybe I should plan one for my wife. It is her birthday today. Very convenient for not forgetting. She isn't home today. Off to a Water Rescue Dog Test. This would be where they test Newfoundlandds to see if they could rescue drowning swimmers. She will be back tonight though, so must think of something nice. Maybe a clean house and a nice dinner when she gets home. Keep it simple.

Peri...I'm not sure either but I woke up on Sunday wearing your bra like a hat.

Kingw!!! You made it! Happy birthday to the wifey! Better get cracking, boy, you have 8 hours to prepare a gourmet dinner.

And at least get her a card...I've learned wimmin are suckers for cards...I have no clue why. But beware, they get mad if you just stroll by the card shelf and pick one at random. "Get Well Soon" does not go over well on a birthday.

Yes, cards are very important to women, both in the giving and receiving. When we're buying one, we read every word to make sure that we're conveying the appropriate message.

I just recently found out that men do NOT read the inside of the card - they only pretend to!!! How did I discover this, you ask.

Well, my daughter gave me an especially moving, loving and wonderful card for Mother's Day. I displayed it of course, and when CG came over, I showed it to him.
Me: Isn't this wonderful?
CG: opens card, nods, one second elapses, and he says "Yes".
Me: Did you read it?
CG: I'm supposed to read all of this?
Me: Yes. Don't you read the words in cards that women give you?
CG: sheepish, "aren't I cute even though I don't" grin!

AAARRRRGGGGH! I wish all women knew this, think of all the hours we'll never get back looking for the perfect message!
/end rant

memo to Trillian(about a day ago): yes,it was Alien Ant Farm that did a cover of that Michael Jackson song...

Ah yes, cards. Men...word to the wise: If you DO stroll by the card shelf and grab one at random DON'T tell her that's what you did.

Me: *opens beautiful birthday card and reads* awwwww... *gets a warm fuzzy feeling*
Ex: Do you like it? I grabbed the longest one with flowers on it.
Me: Did you even read it?
Ex: Some of it....Sort of.
Me: *throws card in trash and stomps off*

Clueless.

*le sigh*

Je suis bored.

I dated a guy a few years back who did read the cards; he would underline key words in them to make sure I got the meaning.

*goes off to Google him*

Cyberstalking might be a good way to spend a rainy Sunday since I'm tired of work.

I can't help you there Peri! And, um....did I leave my pants at your place?

*posts once in a while*

Hey look, there's a spork in your sock!

Aaarrr, Moaties!... I mean maties!! Today be September 19th, that day of infamy... TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY! I be wearing my lowest cut skimpy pirate wench's blouse and an indecently short pirate wench's skirt, along with thigh high boots and a cutlass. Avast and prepare to be boarded!

Peri.. I have video footage of Saturday. Do you want me to get hold of it before it's sold on the internet?

Happy Birthday Mrs KingW! (Wouldn't that make her QueenW?) Have an amazing day, and make sure King treats you as well as you deserve.

Sly.. underlining phrases in cards to show that he's taken time picking a card sounds a tad obsessive and attention getting to me. Are you sure the relationship didn't end because of a constant need for reassurance on his part? Think before you cyberstalk. (*hears little advertising slogan in her head* "Think before you drink before you drive".. now that's also good advice.)
Also, the jazz festival sounds like an amazing time.

Happy belated birthday Kingw and Jackie!

RL has been busy lately: I think I have found a flat to buy, after 3 months of search. I'll make an offer tomorrow morning but I hope it has not been sold during the week-end since it's a very good deal (such a good deal I'm worried there's a major hidden flaw!)
It's very stressing because it's the first time I'll be taking a bank loan, and it will certainly be a 30-year loan. At the same time it's exciting, the flat is almost at the foot of the Eiffel Tower! And it's 41 square meters (49 square yards?) ie more than I thought I could afford! But it has to be redone entirely. And there's no window in the kitchen :-( that won't motivate me to cook more.

This morning I did a 3.8 miles Women Race: 8000 women run in the center of Paris. It was great, very sunny but cold (50-60°F). I didn't do as well as I hoped (43 minutes) but I had not trained seriously so I can't really complain :-)

constant need for reassurance on his part

um, no. The relationship failed because I found out I wasn't the only one for whom he was buying cards.

But until I found that out, I liked the underlining.

And cyberstalking him doesn't really work. His name is too common. It's like stalking "John Smith."

and Marie, congrats on the race, and good luck on the flat.

Yay Marie!!

Congratulations on the run. At least you got out and took part.

Congratulations also on the new flat. Although the "no window in the kitchen" thing would bug me a little as well. *crosses fingers that Marie gets her flat*

Ouch, sly..

Want me to run him through with me cutlass?
Polly or KibEl could track him down in no time, I betcha..

Nah, that was long ago and far away. He's someone else's problem now.

I only thought of him because he was a guy who did read the cards and did take time picking them out.

Must have taken him a long time, too, considering all the cards he was buying.

*snork*

You have to appreciate a man who takes the time to get things right. As long as those things don't include the garbage and the blocked toilet.

Well, Brian ought to be having fun, as his Bengals are up 27-0 at halftime...

It's so hard to be a Vikings fan.

Eleanor, I ALWAYS read the cards - both the ones I give and the ones I get! And ask Jackie how she liked the one I got her. Well, you could if she was here, but trust me, she liked it.

(A hint for Kingw: It begins " To My Wife - My Best Friend")

What's with the cute baby at the bottom of this page?

I'm with Eleanor - the PBS concert/rant last night was barely bearable. Endless and tedious with a few bright spots (Buckwheat Zydeco with Paul Simon & alone, James Taylor, Diana Krall, Herbie Hancock) scattered around the tedious speechifying. I hope our concert Tuesday is more concert and less talk.

No Kaf, you prepare to be boarded! (NTTAWWT)

GOod luck, Marie, and well done on the race. It's still very warm here - on pace to be the warmest September on record. It was 85 yesterday and indeed has been above 80 all month.

Two new CDs I'm listening to now:

B.B. King & Friends, 80. For his 80th, King collaborated on new & old songs with John Mayer, Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, Sheryl Crow, Daryl Hall, Mark Knopfler, Glenn Frey, Gloria Estefan (!), Elton John, Roger Daltrey, Billy F. Gibbons and Bobby Bland.

If you like him it's recommended.

The other one is a little more uneven. It's Herbie Hancock's Possibilities, collaborations with John Mayer (again), Santana & Angelique Kidjo, Paul Simon (not good), Annie Lennox, Christina Aguilera (who knew she could sing?), Sting, Jonny Lang & Joss Stone, Damien Rice & Lisa Hannigan, Raul Midon, Trey Anastasio.

So far I like the Mayer and Lang & Stone the best.

Bis.. I've always been a fan of Vikings.

Jeff.. There's nothing wrong with that at all!
Aguilera could always sing, she just let her slut gene run wild for a while and it didn't do her much good. Image truly is everything in that business. When what you're doing in your personal life becomes more important than the ability that got you there in the first place, you should realise that you're at a place where you need to focus on one or the other. The one that you choose determines your longevity in the business. Think of all the musos and actors whose private lives are exactly that, and you only hear about their careers. That's the way it should be IMO.

btw.. is it supposed to snow on TLAPD?

I didn't think so either.

you may now resume your normal blogging

*blurk*

Haven't you ever read Captain Frostbeard or Mutiny in the High Latitudes?

i missed a birthday!

HAPPY B'DAY KINGW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(psst...did i miss anybody else?)

No, you got Jackie, Bangi so I think you're all set, but Mrs. Kingw's is today.

Hi jeff!
thnx!

I'm so confused!!!!!!!!!

The Rams are playing the Cardinals right now.

I just have a knee-jerk reaction about not cheering for a team named the Cardinals.

AND both Warner and Bulger are on my FF team. Today, I chose Warner.

SO, basically, I'm very conflicted today.

I'd switch over and watch The Cardinals/Cubs game, but that's not going well. Oh, well, at least we've clinched the division.

Funniest Picture You'll See Today (safe for work)

That kid is NEVER going to live this down.

Not sure what bothers me more, that this picture got taken and posted on the internet, or that it's on the U.S. NAVY's website. Full URL is:

http://www.safetycenter.navy.mil/photo/images/photo130.jpg#caption

One really, really hopes that the people who run nuclear aircraft carriers don't need to be taught how NOT to do this sort of thing.

Wurm, I used to know the story behind that picture; amazingly, can't remember it all right now. But I don't recall it having any Navy background.

Honestly. A couple of jungle vines hanging from your bedroom ceiling and some maybe-maybe not footprints on the medicine cabinet mirror in the bathroom and you have to listen to a condescending lecture from a not-quite-ten year old.

Oh, and the lost and found pants box by the front door didn't impress her, either. (Z - were yours the crotchless laceups? 'Cause if they were, I'm afraid Tarzan took them away with him.)

I'm not having any more parties. 2 days cleaning up is not worth the hang-over. Also, for some reason, the screen and panes were taken out of my living room window. I'd pay money to find out why. I'd also pay money to anyone who can figure out how to put them back, 'cause I can't.

The ReMOAT current location still needs to be updated.

I mean...Arrrrr..rrrr...rrrrgh!

Peri sounds like a great party; invite me to the next one.

Marvin, my team is beating the pants off your team in FF.

:)

Marvins pants are off!!!!!!!!!!!

Peri ~ I can fix the screen. But only if I get a picture of either you or tarzan boy in those crotchless laceups. I am not above blackmail now and again.
Bwuahahaha

Wolfie, the second you show up in my window...I have something to show you.

It's not that pesky restraining order again is it? I promised I wouldn't do that thing with the night vision goggles and the hand mixer at your window again.

is it just me, or is it getting really hot in here?

Guys.....buy the cards with room to write something in them and use it.....you get credit for the effort.

Just make sure that you don't write in there, " After you read this, are you gonna make dinner?"

If you do, be ready to duck......

Just sayin'.

I'm watching the Emmy's. I have this question:

What crawled up Conan O'Brien's butt and made him look so grumpy?

Graz...I usually write something nice like "you're the greatest woman or man I've ever known. Have a happy!"

Then if it is a woman, I wait until after sex before saying "hey, sweet-cakes, fix me a sandwich and bring me a Dr Pepper, ok?"

Sly...beats me...

hey sweet-cakes, fix me a sandwich and bring me a Dr Pepper, ok?

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