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August 30, 2003

TELEPHONE-BOOK-ART BLOOPER OF THE WEEK

Whoops.

(Thanks again to Ben Studtmann)

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A year ago, two bloglits met.
Hello he said.
Hiya she replied. And thus begins the story.
Dressed for first meeting, it was fate perhaps.
He invited her for dinner, and a good time was had by all.
They parted for the night, but they kept in touch. Quickly she worked her way into his heart, and she invited him into her life too.
She wrapped him in her love . He convinced her to join his life.
One year later, they are a couple.. traveling the road together

I hope this makes sense cause finding the links I want is really hard when the net police filter everything. And yes, I'm really working, can't you tell?
*crosses fingers all the links work and hits post*

I am listening to the most beautiful song ...

The Luckiest - Ben Folds

Breaks my heart every time I hear it.

Beautiful.

I'M not working. I have the day off so I can go and get waxed. A full body wax. I expect I'll cry and be very cranky later. But smooth and hairless.

I'm prepared to step up and take one for the team. I will do the honors of checking to make sure you are in fact, hairless Peri. No need to thank me. I'm just selfless like that.

*cracks knuckles and blows on fingers to warm them up*

like a plucked chicken ... hot date tonight, Peri? ;)

*zips in*

That's a beautiful story wolfie, and since doing one link takes me forever, I know how much work it took for you, but worth it!

Hooray for Love MOATie Day!
Everyone who was mad made up with everyone else!
To paraphrase: G-d's in his heaven and all's right with the (MOATie) world.
Now if only the rest of the world would use us as an example and follow suit *sigh*
************************

*stands in front of partner to protect him from being hit*

What's that? It's hit on?
Oh.
*gets out of the way*

A plucked chicken? That sounds really repulsive. Maybe I ought to reconsider this.

Hot date? Um...no, no, nothing like that. But on an entirely unrelated subject, would a chicken sammich be anything like a turkey sammich? What about a chicken salad sammich?

Peri ... nevermind the plucked chicken comment ... I'm sure all parts of you will be just lovely sans hair :) ... I always find that my undies feel totally different against my skin when I am plucked. :) I love that feeling.

Anyhoo ... chicken salad sammich ... same thing only with more mayo :) ew.

And, on a related topic, is chicken of the sea fish or chicken?

I like it when they spice it up a bit - cajun chicken sandwich or roasted turkey. But turkeys are essential big chickens so they do taste pretty similar.

Anyhoo ... chicken salad sammich ... same thing only with more mayo

EW!!

And, on a related topic, is chicken of the sea fish or chicken?

S.N. - I've forwarded your question on to Jessica Simpson and as soon as she learns how to read, I'm sure she'll answer you! :)

lunch is served. :)

Punky!?

...this image's going to be hard to erase...

ROASTED turkey?!?! Cajun chicken?! SN, you've left me breathless! What, exactly, is YOUR kinky score?

Mayo is not on my diet list, so I think I'll just toss a salad.

(Maybe I should go and check MY KS again)

Peri, did you really just write "toss a salad"!!

LMAO. You go girl.

Kibby, what is this volleyball contest of which you are speaking? Maybe I should actually listen to the morning show...Me playing volleyball is not something we need to consider. I know they mentioned me yesterday...the governor is offering lunch at the state capital one day...free...you just have to bike ride from Aiken to Columbia...I forget how far it is, but there is no way on this earth I could do it. My legs might hold up, but my butt could never take that long a ride.

*debates hitting on Kibby, except I'm really too shy to hit on someone*

(although, hehhehheh...I mentioned one of my overseas visitors could be coming through here next month...the comment was, "Is he single?" [realizes I've probably scared him off now...])

Friday! And football! Gonna be a loooooong day, no doubt.


Oh yes....Happy anniversary Mad and Mike!!! *hugs*

And big {{{Blogchik}}} hug. Sleep is very very good, please do try to catch up on it...makes a big difference.

Between Punky and Peri it's going to get steamy in the MOAT TODAY!

She'll toss a salad but won't eat mayo???? !!!

Happy anniversary to Mad and Mike!!! May all your mad weaslets have interesting boogers. :)

Wow. I didn't realize that my menu selections figured in so closely to my kinky score. What does it say about me that I like balsamic chicken too? And then the smoked chicken? I know... I've said too much....

Peri...waxed? All over? I've never had anything waxed...too chicken. Although I have considered it...but toooooo chicken. Too chicken to get legs waxed, never mind anything else...

Looking at the tv listings for tonight..."West Side Story" is on Turner Classic Movies at 8pm...*looks at the recorder here* Wonder if I can figure out how to record it...

You are absolutely right, Leetie! OK, on the menu today: chicken sammich with extra mayo on toasted buns and a tossed salad on the side. I'll just have to burn off the calories somehow.

She'll toss a salad but won't eat mayo???? !!!

Right??

I must say ... I rather enjoy mayo. Is that wrong?

Depends on who you're eating it off of. Oops... quiet part out loud again....

I'll forever laugh when somebody says, "I'll have a turkey sammich, but please hold the mayo!"

HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

ROFLMAO!!!

*see's MOAT tempt. raising in degrees Kilo*

Wow, I was going to come in and hope that all the MOATies were having a nice Friday. I suppose that is evident.

Fish,
LTTG, but you already touched on my favorite stripper song in NIN's Closer.

How 'bout Bloodhound Gang's 'The Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Cryin'? Not actualyl a good song to strip to, but damn funny!

Ahh, thank you, moaties, for the light-hearted sexual banter this morning. Enjoyed and appreciated.

Um, just a quick serious medical question though, primarily for the female moaties...

I have a dr's appt in a few hours, b/c I've menstruated three times this month. The first came a week early, the second came a week after that ended, and then a third came a week after that one. It's the damnedest, weirdest thing. I've written up a summary for the nurse I'm seeing today, so I don't have to try to remember everything... And I've been researching on the net, but at this point it seems it could be nearly anything, so I'm just wondering if any of you other girlies have experienced this type of seemingly random thing, what was suspected, and what it turned out to be. Stress? Hormones? Fibroids? Lesions? Tumors? Cancer? Pre-Death Symptoms? :P ...I think I'll ask for a blood test for now... They said they may want to do an ultrasound, but I pay everything directly out of pocket and would like to start smaller--blood test, then a pap when it's possible. It's just so sudden! What could it be?!

Damn, that wasn't short. Anyway, email me or post here. Leaving for appt in 2 hrs and want to be able to boss the nurse around a bit. Also till googling, of course.

"still", not "till"

Tamara, the only other thing I can think of involves giving birth or losing a pregnancy (which is a direct consequence of NOT holding the mayo). ;)

Hope it's just stress-related! Keep us posted.

erm, pregnancy being the direct consequence, not the loss thereof. duh. i write guud.

Psst, don't stop the banter; I'll start feeling bad!

*takes containers of mayo out of the freezer*

*puts them on display in the middle of the moat, places a male moatie's name on each one*

*sets out the spoons*

*waits*

BrianB, Bloodhound Gang GOOD CALL!

MOATettes, please e-mail Tamara rather than posting.....


thanks

pssst! Tamara saves containers of frozen mayo! Pass it on!

Um, Tamara? I prefer my mayo fresh from the original container. You never know WHAT you're getting with the frozen stuff.

Kibby's squeamish. :)

So, does Kibby like mayo? ;)

*ducks!*

kibby, will you have lunch with me today?

(This is either a friendly invitation or hitting on you - whichever you prefer.)

Peri & Kibby - Lunch is on me!

(ditto Peri's parenthetical remarks)


[Kibby don't read this part] PS Leets--no, thought of that, but that can't be it, though I will go ahead and triple-check with the nurse.

And then later we can go and volley some balls with Susan. Maybe we can get her to giggle while she's on the air.

Tamara - birth control pill. Did you change it up recently? Different dosage and/or different hormone levels in the pill can cause that.

See Kibby - that wasn't too graphic. Now, since I don't prefer mayo on my men, can we switch it up with say chocolate sauce to make this blog more enticing? Slathering someone in mayo makes me think we took the expression "meat market" a little too literally. Having trouble with the visuals.

ok, no more posting for me.

Tamara, check your email.

*refuses to read Tamara's note but goes to check out Tamara's Frozen Mayo Bank & Deli*

Nope, don't find my name tag here! WHEW !

Fish, once again, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I shouldn't post anything more than "AAAARGH!" when I'm feeling the way I was the other day. I hope I never make that mistake again. I feel bad that I made you feel bad.

Changing subject...

LTTG, but Favorite Cheers quote:

Norm: Women. You can't live with' em. [to Cliff] Pass the beer nuts.

Nope--good thought but too easy, SN. Never been on it.

Moi? Giggle while on the air? Why never.

Ok, not today. So far anyway. The day is young.

Kibby, don't read here...Tamara...some kind of hormone inbalance? Caused by starting or stopping birth control of some kind?

Ok, Kibby...all clear.

Kibby's squeamish. ?

Well, let's say I'm still trying to get past Punky's I always find that my undies feel totally different against my skin when I am plucked. :) I love that feeling.

*thinks his KS just went up*

Maybe I should Kibby before I post.

Of course, with the theme of the morning, that sounds kind of dirty now...

NTTAWWT....

Tamara - kibby, don't read this - the alternative can be true too, you could have the hormone imbalance and need birth control to regulate it. Just means you're exceptionally horny.
(You read this didn't you Kibby?)

New MOAT-exercise!

Get Susan to giggle on-the-air!

(You read this didn't you Kibby?)

*peeks between fingers*

Huh? Safe now?

UTERUS!

and also LTTG with Happy Anneversary, Mad and Mike!!! :)

"Shake your moneymaker,
Shake your moneymaker..."

Nice James Brown choice, Susan.

El, on your phone conversation and subsequent lunch with your daughter, we have a phrase for that: passive aggressive. I'm very familiar with that from my family and (especially) Jackie's. Of course, on the other hand I suppose your daughter should know what you will or won't eat, right? With Jackie it's easy - NOTHING on the bread, period. Otherwise, she'll eat lettuce and roasted peppers. She used to eat sprouts but somewhere along the line seems to have dropped them from her diet.

Back shortly.

Bad News Update: (one way to change the subject!)

I was just in my bedroom getting dressed and had the news on, and N.O. is flooding again in the 9th Ward, where there have been 3 levees that were breached :(

so the levees are leaking about 3 times in one month....Call Dr. Sanjay Gupta!!
*hopes that's too subtle for kibby to understand*

OVARY!!!

ROFLMAO, LEETIE!!!

Tanks leets!

Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water...

Jeff - I've never been called passive-aggresive before in my life - or were you talking about my daughter? *snork*

*applauds wolfies links and story from earlier*

I couldn't see the dinner one...excellent overall though.

No, really, I'm working too.

... and my Partner jumps into the frey too!

(And I think she's finding ANY excuse to call Dr. Sanjay Gupta!)

Punky, that sounds like another Bloodhound Gang song. Brian?

And while we're discussing Sanjay, I saw both Anderson Cooper AND Rob Marcianno on CNN last night.... And looking forward to seeing them both tonite, soaking wet, in the rain.... Sorry, I can't work mayo into that picture.

Punky!

I just refreshed the page and your post was the only one I could see...startled me a moment...

*doesn't mention I have my various messenger thingies on here in the studio...as some would try to use it to get me, a true professional, to laugh on the air*

Kibby ~ Bloodhound Gang.. Kiss Me Where it Smells Funny

wolfie, that sounds about right. Now I don't have to check the CD cover tonight.

Well, with women's body parts flying around the MOAT I suppose it's a good time to keep my - nope, not going to say that word - down.

RAMPARTS

....thought I saw some go flying by...

GO FISH!!!! (Mrs)

*giggling even before she posts*

FALLOPIAN TUBES!!!

Oh, Eleanor, that was a Klaatu song. (?)

Or was it Alan Parson's Project?

Nope, think it was Klaatu.

(good on though)

;-)

He has a fan club!!!! Why am I not surprised!
He's in Houston to save as many people as he can!!!

(good onE though)

d@mn!

Vas Deferens!

Flaming Lips!!!

What? I meant the group.
*adjusts halo*

*gets in line to hit on Kibby*

And happy anniversary, Mad and Mike!

THE FALLOPIAN TUBES WBAGNFA(all guy)RB!

And they could wear tube socks (get it?!) on their you-know-whats like The Red Hot Chili Peppers did!!

El is on a roll today (without turkey, peppers or sprouts)!

OMG!!!!

THEY are still around and have a web site!!!!

OMG!!!!

Holy cow!!! Friday's used to be rather quiet on the Moat. What happened?

*goes to catch up and find how why people are yelling out the names of female reproductive organs. As this is "hit on Kibby day", it's a little scary*

sly, you're telling me! scary!

GASTROINTESTINAL PARASITE. Nope, doesn't have the same effect does it?

Sly, I'm sure your sister will be fine. The latest I saw said the roads were emptier around Houston but going north it was still backed up 100 miles! And thanks for clearing up about the other roads. It was what I figured but all they show on CNN is I-45. My friend Bill is determined to ride it out as well and he's MUCH closer to the action than your sister is. Alvin is BETWEEN Galveston and Houston.

Susan, thanks for the Hot Chocolate. I agree with you - The Full Monty is one of our favorites too. When it was first on Pay per view we rented it and taped it to keep, but haven't watched it in a couple of years.

A personal note. My brother sent some impressive news about his son Nathan, who is in college in Ashland, Oregon.

He's going out to possibly buy an industrial sewing machine later this afternoon. Don't know if I mentioned it previously, but he has been making camping gear. He's made a couple of backpacks, a hoodie, and several other pieces of equipment. He's working on designing some tents at the moment. He did a lot of research on materials, taught himself to sew on one of his roommate's sewing machines and has customers down his way.

It's really quality work; if you saw the product, I think you'd be impressed. Quality of sewing; functionality, durability, etc. He has scouted out materials in our area and made a large purchase of some high quality material that this shop had on sale and apparently didn't realize the value of. He came back with yards and yards of the stuff with a big grin and his fortuitous find and then went back and bought the rest that they had.

He's looking into starting a business, copyrighting his designs/patterns, building a website. etc.

We last saw him a year ago at my father's 80th and were impressed with him - a really nice, level-headed kid who could relate to my 90 year old aunt as well as people his own age.

And his sister just e-mailed that she is selling stuff on eBay now. She and her husband are in Florida selling real estate and I guess this is a sideline to make some extra money.

S.N. - Nope, doesn't have the same je ne sais qua!
You can do better, I know! :)

MAN! Women's pickup lines these days. Throwing body parts around like some fluzzy in a two bit c asino looking for a roll of quarters for the s lot machines.

...gotta love this place!

Good times, good times.

Kibby, don't read this part.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
is he still looking away?
.
.
.
.
.
.
OK, now you can read.

El - all the good ones were already taken. Unless we start on men's body parts in which case the list is endless. Willy, D*ck, Johnson...

S.N. - one more:

CERVIX!!!


*zips out to watch The Apprentice*

Kibby, Bloodhound Gang does not have a song called 'Vagina'. Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny is close. However, the lyrics to 'Three Point One Four' are far better:

My last girlfriend didn't like me thought she might be,
Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me,
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright,
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright,
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony,
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company,
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky,
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys,
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word,
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd,
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color,
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother,
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy,
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,

I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina,

Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt,
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up,
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters,
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture,
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese,
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only,
I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner,
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner,
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat,
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap,
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough,
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up,
Just independent like NOFX ,smart like Janeane Garafolo,
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know,
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee,
You know what I really want in a girl? Me,

I need to find a new vagina,
Any kind of new vagina,
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina,
Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina,
Vagina vagina vagina vagina.

Jeff, with the shift to the east, they are all in better shape in that area. Your friend should be as well since that area will most likely be on the "clean" side. The people on the east side of it, notsomuch.

She said that some friends called and said the parking lot at the grocery store in the center of town is filled with cars that have pulled off the highway. They are going to ride it out in their cars there. The shelters are full and people are wanting to get off the roads.

OK, it would seem to me getting of the roads is Part 1; Part 2 is getting INSIDE. But, like I said, they are on the "clean side". If there are any tornadoes created by this, those will more likely happen on the northeast side of the hurricane. She did say they will probably lose power and phones and all of that fun stuff.

The mayor of Houston is vowing to get people off the roads before the storm hits. In press conferences, they are asking him HOW? Reporters are pointing out that people in cars are hearing him say that and want to know HOW. He hasn't said.

Janice said she's afraid the next time there's a storm, people won't leave at all because of this.

If they do have to do this again, they are going to have to come up with stages; various areas evacuating at certain times and in certain directions.

*applauds wildly*
That is great, Brian - thanks for sharing!

And for something else great:
T his is a site where women are talking dirty about Dr. Gupta - too funny!

What I love about the Moat:

posts that follow another that are from completely different worlds.

Kibby, you still reading? It's hard to hit on you if you aren't reading.

Brian! THAT'S IT!

He starts off the song talking to his mother on the phone asking her "What rymes with ...", Mom's a little put off.

Must see about picking up Klaatu CDs while in the USoA!

Wolfie - thanks for the story it was wonderful
Everyone - thanks for the wishes
Tamara - early menapause but you are way too young for that

Kibby don't read this - Back when I worked at the CDC there was this guy who ran an all female research team. They collected samples to study HIV in the vagina. He was forever at meetings saying "vaginal vault" - his word for where they collected their samples from. I and my friends could never make it through a meeting without giggling our heads off at the image of a vaginal vault (combination lock and all). We took to yelling the phrase out at random moments including at stop lights to other cars and bursting out in the giggles. so for Kibby I say

Vaginal Vault

Well MOATies! It's been an UNUSUAL Friday-in-the-MOAT for the ole kibbster. So I'll be headed out for a PIVO! now and you enjoy your (you're) weekend!

Good thing I wasn't drinking when seeing some of these posts. (leetie, punky, tamara, sly, and, yes, you too Eleanor!)

CAR!

Anyone remember the Seinfeld episode about "The Vault?"

Mad. I DIDN'T READ THAT!!!!

whydidn'tIjustwalkaway?why?why?why?

Happy Anniversary, Mad & Mike!!!

Times sure flies when you're having fun, right?

We were having this discussion at work recently. No, not hitting on Kibby (that discussion was last month), but women hitting on guys.

The consensus was, guys liked the CONCEPT of women being the first to ask them out; but when it came down to reality, it made them uncomfortable.

Along with that discussion was the definition of "hitting on". Was it flirting, or did it involve actually asking someone out.

Sly, Jackie was watching Regis & Kelly yesterday or the day before when Kelly started out saying "No, no, I'd never do that!" Then she started telling how she met her husband she was definitely flirting - heavy duty - with him!

Her excuse was that she had too much to drink. She tried to stand up and used his leg to brace herself.

Her: "Boy, your leg is hard!"
Him (Mr. Smooth): "I had a soccer scholarship in college."

Jackie laughed. I never had a problem with women (well, girls in those days) indicating that they were interested, especially as I was very shy.

Speaking of shy, thanks to Punky for: I always find that my undies feel totally different against my skin when I am plucked. :) I love that feeling.

That goes down with the all-time MOAT achives classics. It even has a little echo of "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

Or maybe that's just me.

OK, all heinzed. See what you started Kibby?

Actually, it reminds me of the classic "Mulva" episode of Seinfeld, and can't believe nobody mentioned that or "Delores".

(Is that sanitized enough for you, Kibby?)

*grabs Kibby and gives him a big ol' smakeroo on the lips*

THAT'S why.

Have a good weekend, Kibby!

*returns his bubblegum*

*giggling uncontrollably here*

The playlist...while I'm still thinking...

Friday 9-23-05 All Request Lunch Hour
News
“Jump” Van Halen
------
“I Can’t Stop Loving You” Ray Charles
“Summer of ‘69” Bryan Adams
------
“You Sexy Thing” Hot Chocolate---Jeff
“Takin’ Care Of Business” Bachman Turner Overdrive
------
“Thunder Road” Bruce Springsteen---wolfie
“Make Me Lose Control” Eric Carmen
------
“Galveston” Glenn Campbell---someone who wants to remain anonymous
“Come and Get It” Badfinger
------
“Midnight Special” Creedence Clearwater Revival
“I Want You To Want Me” Cheap Trick
------
“I’ve Got A Rock and Roll Heart” Eric Clapton

I'm confused. I saw Sly kiss Kibby. I did. And now the post is gone. By the time I post, maybe t'll be back?

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