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June 25, 2003

CULTURAL UPDATE

If people in other cultures jump over babies, that is not at all weird or anything, because it is cultural.

(Thanks to Kevin Breslin)

AN EXCELLENT NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

>From the medical community.

(Thanks to Karen Keffer)

EMAIL

Dave Why not end the charade and rename your blog "The Claire Martin Blog?" She seems to have staged a successful takeover. Thanks Dave
That is just SO cruel. This blog writes a LOT of its own material.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

June 24, 2003

EXAMPLE OF A STORY THAT IS NOT THE LEAST BIT FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS SO TRAGIC AND SAD

Right here.

(Thanks again to Claire Martin)

ADVICE TO PEOPLE PLANNING TO SING "MY WAY" AT PARTIES

Sing in tune.

(Thanks to Claire Martin and Brian Cruze)

STICK 'EM UP

When antlers are outlawed, only mature male deer will have antlers.

(Thanks to Marlo Dianne)

MESSAGE TO SAN FRANCISCO POULTRY PERVERT

Whoever you are, stop messing with hens.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

ATTENTION, MISSOURI MOTORISTS

Be on the lookout for 25 million bees.

(Thanks to Eric Dyck)

June 23, 2003

WHY THIS BLOG LOVES YOUNG PEOPLE

Because they are so darned innocent and idealistic.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

HOW GOOGLE WORKS

Finally, an explanation that makes sense.

(Thanks to Corey Friedman)

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT

...but for the record, I did not write this book.

ATTENTION, PETS AND SMALL CHILDREN OF SHEFFIELD

Keep an eye out for Tracey.

"SLOW WORMS" CLARIFIED

For one thing, they are not worms.

(Thanks to Theresa Hogue)

ANOTHER URL THAT WILL DISAPPOINT MANY HOPEFUL GUYS WHO CLICK ON IT

www.crotch-partnership.co.uk/

(Thanks to Marlo Dianne)

BROKEN LINK

Brad Lemon of Australia (a continent) emails to report that the link below entitled "BREAKING FROG NEWS -- Big Rescue in Bicholim," is not working. Be advised that we have dispatched a repair crew to assess the situation and should have a status report within the next two or three weeks, or five weeks at most. This blog apologizes for any inconvenience, and urges all customers who feel an acute need to click on something rescue-related to click on this. Thank you.

HOW MANY COMPUTERS DOES A GUY NEED?

A guy needs a lot of computers.

(Thanks to Catherine Conner)

FOOD PRODUCT OF THE DECADE

For all of you who have been longing for a product that will make a hot dog look like an octopus, your wait is over at last.

(Thanks to Caya Jappinen)

EXCELLENCE IN CUSTOMER SERVICE

At last, this guy can receive unwanted calls from telemarketers.

(Thanks to Laurie White)

WILDLIFE IN BRITAIN

Construction halted by "slow worms." (Slow worms?)

WILDLIFE IN SWITZERLAND

Police subdue deadly rubber mamba.

HEY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH OURS?

India plans to send us cow poop AND cow weewee.

(Thanks to Jonathan Scupin)

NORWEGIAN CRIME UPDATE

Woof.

(Thanks to Laurie White)

June 22, 2003

BREAKING FROG NEWS

Big rescue in Bicholim.

EBAY: TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL?

We report, you decide.

(Thanks to Phil Luce)

June 21, 2003

FUN DUDE

Norwegian livens up party.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

PROOF OF THE EXISTENCE OF GOD

Right here.

(Thanks to Catherine Conner)

TOKEN SATURDAY POST

When people tell this blog that Americans don't like to get involved in causes, this blog laughs in a derogatory manner and directs them here.

(Thanks to Theresa Hogue)

June 20, 2003

WE ARE POSTING THIS LINK

Only to prevent 17,000 more people from suggesting it.

IS THIS BLOG IMAGINING THINGS, OR...

...is there an eerie resemblance between this and this?

IF YOU'RE PLANNING TO HIRE A PAGAN BAND

...please bear in mind that you will need to provide a quiet fornicatorium. Thank you.

(Thanks to Elizabeth Vestal)

MARK YOUR CALENDARRRRRRRR

Only three more months to International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

PERVERT ALERT

At first, we thought this headline referred to some bizarre rodent-politician sex act. Unfortunately, it does not.

(Thanks to Theresa Hogue)

OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY ADVISORY

Hard-working dedicated professionals are finding that they get a real productivity boost from the Bug on a Wire application here.

(Thanks to Jennifer Jones)

STORIES TOO CREEPY FOR THIS BLOG TO LINK TO

Here is a good example.

(Thanks to Mike Zlotnick)

ATTENTION, CONSUMERS

When people ask us, "What is a good brand of sucker rod?" We always say that we have heard nothing but praise for the Norris sucker rod.

(Thanks to Rick Kasten)

SPEAKING OF UNUSUAL COUPLES

What is the deal with this?

(Thanks to Marlo Dianne)

ANOTHER INDIAN CELEBRITY MARRIAGE WE DOUBT WILL LAST

Maybe they should just try cloud seeding.

(Thanks to Laurie White)

HARRY POTTER UPDATE

A detailed plot summary of the new Harry Potter book is available here.

June 19, 2003

WHY CAN'T WE ALL...

...learn to live with beavers?

(Thanks to Elizabeth Vestal)

REPTILE UPDATE

I hate to be a complainer, but I was dismayed to see you endorsing the commercial sale of reptiles as pets today. My wife and I run a reptile rescue organization, and we take in HUNDREDS of unwanted reptile pets each year.� In most cases the reptiles have endured improper care simply because people do not research the needs of these animals before purchasing them. I urge you to visit our website: www.coloradoreptilerescue.org and learn a little about some of the "homeless" reptile situation Respectfully, Jonathan Scupin Associate Director
FYI, this blog did not mean to endorse anything. This blog is irresponsible scum and was merely expressing amusement at the name "Reptile Depot."

TERROR STALKS THE STREETS

In Ladysmith, Wisconsin.

(Thanks to Anonymous)

GOOD POINT, RE GIRL-MARRIES-DOG POST BELOW

Dave, What is so newsworthy about this?� Women have been marrying dogs for millennia. Carson

ATTENTION ALL BULGARIAN UNITS

Be on the lookout for a speeding ostrich.

(Thanks to John Durkee)

SOCIAL NOTES FROM ABROAD

You wonder: Will this marriage last?

(Thanks to Robert Breen, who writes: "I understand her mother-in-law is a real bitch")

OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY UPDATE

Here is another valuable resource for professionals needing to make efficient use of their time.

(Thanks to Sean Wilson)

WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT SOUL MUSIC

You are talking about Orrin and Barry.

(Thanks to Justin Pagano)

STARTLING SQUIRREL-RESEARCH FINDING

Boy squirrels are wilder than girl squirrels.

(Thanks to pretty much everybody with email)

CONSUMER TIP

When people ask this blog, "Where can I purchase a quality reptile?" This blog always says: Reptile Depot.

June 18, 2003

PRODUCTIVITY TIP

Another good place to get business-related work done is here, in the part called "Insaniquarium."

(Thanks to Jeff Wiegand)

MAKES SENSE TO THIS BLOG

Dave, I believe serious consideration should be given to the possibility that prairie dogs have been framed by squirrels for the recent monkeypox outbreak.� Are you aware of any research on this issue?� I could not find any. Matt Mesmer
 
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