BUTT DARTS UPDATE
Ron Petrie, a columnist for the Leader-Post in Regina, Canada, writes to inform this blog that way back in 2000 he proposed that Butt Darts be made an Olympic sport. Ron calls the sport "Bum Darts," because Canada uses the metric system. Here are some key excerpts of the columns he wrote during his crusade:
And don't you dare go all purse-lipped in feigned disgust at me, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Too-Lah-Dee-Dah-To-Admit-You-Ever-Participated. What? At those high-school bon fire parties on the weekend, your preferred entertainment was a spirited Tchaikovsky duet for cello and flute _ is that what you're saying? That you were never at a house party among good friends when the conversation ran dry and no one felt like charades and then one guy slapped down all the change from his pockets on the coffee table and the next thing you knew, you were waddling across the carpet in the fashion of TV comic genius Steve Erkel and havingthe belly laugh of your life? That you are somehow better than the rest of us? Bum darts. You know: the game wherein the object is to carry as many coins as possible across a set distance for deposit in a cup, and the catch is: no use of body parts north of the beltline. Pinching the money between the knees is certainly one technique, but as any accomplished bum-darter, or "Saskatchewanian," will tell you, championship form consists of _ how to put this delicately? _ of imagining the change as the $10-million salary of a major-league shortstop batting a woeful .178 and yourself as the ballplayer who takes to heart the frustrated fans' advice on what he might do with his aforementioned contract. The trip to the cup, the goal, is matter of personal shuffling preference and the key to winning mostly self-composure, as in the determination to block out the surrounding gut-busting laughter and to concentrate, taking each step slowly, deliberately and methodically _ to "keep your pants on," so to speak, figuratively, and also, if I failed to mention it earlier (although a fellow would like believe that, sheesh, it goes without saying): literally. Cupping the maximum coinage requires both a keen aim and a deft release....
Lori wrote: "Since 1989, the Housewives from Hell have gone on a yearly ski adventure, and après ski, inevitably the game of choice was bum darts. Most of the Housewives have become quite proficient at the sport, some even way ahead of their time. Consider Judy (The Change Maker) who can even cha-ching the quarters one at a time, or Pam, who can climb a set of stairs and not lose a cent. The crack of Dawn has seen more change than most slots in Vegas.
"We have welcomed anyone to participate, and men and women from all over the world have joined us in a lively game. We've even had international competitions with the U.S. against the Canucks. Usually we Canadians would win."
Usually we Canadians win.
How often do you hear that said about any of the so-called legitimate international sports? Hello, Canadian Olympic movement! Hello? Anybody home?
This blog urges everybody in the world to join with this blog in support of Mr. Petrie's proposal. This blog would much rather watch Olympic Butt Darts than, for example, "biathlon."