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May 25, 2003

BUTT DARTS UPDATE

Ron Petrie, a columnist for the Leader-Post in Regina, Canada, writes to inform this blog that way back in 2000 he proposed that Butt Darts be made an Olympic sport. Ron calls the sport "Bum Darts," because Canada uses the metric system. Here are some key excerpts of the columns he wrote during his crusade:

And don't you dare go all purse-lipped in feigned disgust at me, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Too-Lah-Dee-Dah-To-Admit-You-Ever-Participated. What? At those high-school bon fire parties on the weekend, your preferred entertainment was a spirited Tchaikovsky duet for cello and flute _ is that what you're saying? That you were never at a house party among good friends when the conversation ran dry and no one felt like charades and then one guy slapped down all the change from his pockets on the coffee table and the next thing you knew, you were waddling across the carpet in the fashion of TV comic genius Steve Erkel and havingthe belly laugh of your life? That you are somehow better than the rest of us? Bum darts. You know: the game wherein the object is to carry as many coins as possible across a set distance for deposit in a cup, and the catch is: no use of body parts north of the beltline. Pinching the money between the knees is certainly one technique, but as any accomplished bum-darter, or "Saskatchewanian," will tell you, championship form consists of _ how to put this delicately? _ of imagining the change as the $10-million salary of a major-league shortstop batting a woeful .178 and yourself as the ballplayer who takes to heart the frustrated fans' advice on what he might do with his aforementioned contract. The trip to the cup, the goal, is matter of personal shuffling preference and the key to winning mostly self-composure, as in the determination to block out the surrounding gut-busting laughter and to concentrate, taking each step slowly, deliberately and methodically _  to "keep your pants on," so to speak, figuratively, and also, if I failed to mention it earlier (although a fellow would like believe that, sheesh, it goes without saying): literally. Cupping the maximum coinage requires both a keen aim and a deft release....

Lori wrote: "Since 1989, the Housewives from Hell have gone on a yearly ski adventure, and après ski, inevitably the game of choice was bum darts. Most of the Housewives have become quite proficient at the sport, some even way ahead of their time. Consider Judy (The Change Maker) who can even cha-ching the quarters one at a time, or Pam, who can climb a set of stairs and not lose a cent. The crack of Dawn has seen more change than most slots in Vegas.
"We have welcomed anyone to participate, and men and women from all over the world have joined us in a lively game. We've even had international competitions with the U.S. against the Canucks. Usually we Canadians would win."
Usually we Canadians win.
How often do you hear that said about any of the so-called legitimate international sports? Hello, Canadian Olympic movement! Hello? Anybody home?

This blog urges everybody in the world to join with this blog in support of Mr. Petrie's proposal. This blog would much rather watch Olympic Butt Darts than, for example, "biathlon."

Comments

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hey, i found this site while bored lol bum darts rock lmao if there is one true canadian sport, this is it. to hell with hockey and lacrossed, bum darts is where it's at. and im going to torino in 06 for it :P power to the canucks!

Next weekend is our 13th annual "Silly Olypix" here in snowed in Revelstoke, BC. We gather to play such overlooked Olympic sports as winter croquette, lawn darts, hockey shoot, pick-up sticks, etcha-sketch racing, yatzi, snowball target throw, loonie shuve, etc. The culmanating event of the games is a team Bum-Dart extrazaganza! Gold medals (Tin lids off soup cans, on ribbon) are awarded to the proud victors!
We had contraversy last Olypix. The gold medal came down to the last Bum darter. Her drop was true, but her coin hit the bottom of the pickle jar and bounced out to finish laying on the carpet. The final call rested on the shoulders of that years host, here after to be known as "The French Judge!" She ruled in favour of the bum darter and called the dart "in", (totally ignoring the meaning of "in" as she did so.) Anyway, the Games ended in contraversy and all had a wonderful day with good friends.
Yes Bum-darts is a Canadian game and Hell yes its exactly what the world needs right now! So yes to making it an Olympic sport! Everyone go put on some loose fitting pants, grab a pickle jar, some change and start practicing! Tean Canada may need you one day!

I'm looking to credit the right people with the invention of the game of bumdarts for a documentary.
Preston (917) 359-8735
Email: prestonnyc@mac.com

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