March 05, 2015
UPDATE FROM D.C.
There's nobody here. There are penguins wandering among the snowdrifts covering what was once the Department of Commerce. BUT I AM HERE AND I WILL BE AT POLITICS AND PROSE TONIGHT AT 7 DAMMIT. There will be free pizza and wine. We can offer this because the government has shut down, so this area is totally lawless and we can do WHATEVER WE WANT.
If that's not enough of an inducement, Mr. Gene Weingarten claims he will be there. He doesn't say whether he plans to bring his oosik. But this is definitely an oosik kind of evening.
BOOK TOUR UPDATE
Last night a nice crowd turned out for the event in New Haven for WSHU Public Radio. Thanks to all who came. Before the event two Putnam folks and I went to the legendary Frank Pepe pizzeria -- pizza is a major activity in New Haven -- where we ordered two "medium" pies. This turned out to be enough pizza for the three of us, plus Belgium. These pizzas were HUGE. Wildebeests could graze on them.
That's Michael Barson on the right. (Photo by Katie McKee.)
Today I am going to attempt to travel to Washington, D.C. This may be difficult because apparently both of the polar ice caps are currently converging on the area. Nevertheless at 7 tonight I'll be at Politics and Prose. Please come. I'm thinking about announcing my candidacy for president, and everybody who attends WILL be appointed to, at minimum, the cabinet.
March 04, 2015
HE'S THE WARRANT OF THE WEEK, ALL RIGHT
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
DUE TO OUR STRICT POLICY
...we cannot blog this item, whatever it is.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
PERHAPS WE SHOULD NOT BE SO GRAPHIC
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Susie Q. Wacvet, who adds, "Where can I volunteer to be a measurer?)
GUESS THE STATE
(Thanks to Poker)
NEWS YOU CAN USE
For what, exactly, we are not sure, but hey, Dave's not here, so we're blogging penises.
(Thanks to Jon Harris)
March 03, 2015
BOOK TOUR UPDATE
It is a hideous evening in New York. Snow, sleet, rain, locusts, boils, frogs. EVERYTHING. And yet people came to my signing at the Upper West Side Barnes and Noble. Thank you, brave people! I realize some of you were probably eaten by roving packs of Upper West Side wolves after you left the building, and you may rest assured that I appreciate it.
Above all, I appreciate the woman who took my request to bring jerky and antibiotics seriously, or at least semi-seriously:
Idiot that I am, I failed to get this wonderful woman's name. Perhaps she will identify herself in the comments. Again, whoever you are, thank you.
Tomorrow night I will be in New Haven, Connecticut. I'm sure I'll get there. We have a good sled and an experienced team of dogs. Or squadron of dogs. Or whatever you call the unit of dogs pulling a sled.
I FOUND THE INTERNET
It's in New York.
Google is worth $365 billion. Judging from my tour of their New York offices, I would say they have invested at least $300 billion of that in snacks.
LET'S FACE IT, THE APOCALYPSE IS HERE
We bet they landed in Newark.
(Thanks to W. von Papineau)
WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DEAD
(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Jon Harris, Rick Day and Charles Cates)
March 02, 2015
BEST BOOK-TOUR EVENT EVER
Tonight I got to hang out with my boy and his boy.
A FLORIDA TRUCK DRIVER'S LICENSE IS ON ITS WAY
(Thanks to Craig Roberts, who asks "How many possibilities could exist?")
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and funny man)
NEW IN OUR ONGOING SERIES OF ITEMS WHICH MEN SHOULD NOT CLICK ON
(Thanks to funny man)
FOR INSTANCE, HE RECOMMENDED THE SCHOOL FOR PSYCHICS
(Thanks to judy b)
DAVE WROTE A BOOK?
Please visit davebarry.com for event details and ticket information.
BOOK TOUR UPDATE
Yesterday I spoke at an enjoyable event called "Sleuthfest" in Delray Beach, Florida, then boarded a flight from Fort Lauderdale to La Guardia. Even before we took off, the pilot was giving us warnings about the weather in New York, and en route he kept coming on the p.a. to make unsettling statements along the lines of, "It's in the hands of God now, folks." He began mentioning other places we might wind up, including JFK airport, Newark, Beirut, etc. Finally he told us that La Guardia was impossible, so we were diverting to JFK. After what felt like several years of the plane bouncing around and making many turns in dense clouds, the pilot came on the p.a., and, after a brief mention of Pittsburgh (really), declared that we were going to land in Newark. From there it was only a fun lengthy ride in a superheated taxi with strangers into Manhattan, where I will spend the next few days flagrantly prostituting myself for my new book, which is for sale. Tomorrow night at 7 p.m. I'll be at the Barnes & Noble at 82nd and Broadway. I hope to see you there. I hope to see me there.
Update: Here's a nice review that I swear I did not pay for.
March 01, 2015
I have written yet another book (my 2,038th), which means that for the next couple of weeks, in the tradition of Herman Melville, Jane Austen, Socrates and other famous dead authors, I will be traveling around the country hawking my book like a door-to-door encyclopedia salesman, but with less dignity. My tour will end at the Tucscon Festival of Books, where the world-famous-but-not-in-a-good-way Rock Bottom Remainders will perform a concert featuring this new "rock and roll" style of music that the teens are so excited about. We plan to employ several new chords, including one called "C sharp." Also Amy Tan claims to have a new hair color.
Anyway, I'll be on the road for a while, so blogging from me will be sporadic. Perhaps judi will pick up some of the slack, if she is not too busy. I hope to see some of you out there on the road. Please bring antibiotics and jerky.
PICKUP SCENE OF THE MONTH SO FAR
(Thanks to Monique)