Dave Barry's Blog

INDIANA

The Ball-Tapping State

(Thanks to DavCat)

CONVENIENCE-STORE CLERK OF THE WEEK SO FAR

The good news: He's very attentive. The bad news: He will attempt to mate with your leg.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

STYLISH CLOTHES IN ACCORD WITH NEEDS OF THE TIMES

FAMOUSCRAP

(Thanks to Grant Streeter)

IT'S A B! IT'S A C! IT'S A D!

Amazing Chinese brassiere technology, featuring "God's Hand," lets women choose.

(Thanks to Allen at Division and CJrun, both guys. Also DavCat.)

SCOTTISH WOMEN

Do not mess with them.

We're guessing this story has Scottish men re-thinking the whole concept of kilts.

(Thanks to DavCat and Marr Filar)

BULGARIAN SCIENCE UPDATE

(Thanks to Ralph)

TRAGIC

(Thanks to Onterrible)

ATTENTION, TEXAS MEN LOOKING FOR A GOOD CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEA

Consider fish.

(Thanks to DavCat)

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A... UM....

Atlantis glides home with choked pee nozzle

(Thanks to DavCat and Ralph)

TERRORISM DOWN UNDER

Flatulent pig sparks gas alert

Key Firefighter Quote: "I don't know what they're feeding this thing."

Another version here.

(Thanks to Ross Marks, Cam, DavCat, catmanmax, Matt Filar, Cynthia and Ralph)

WHERE WAS THE NATIONAL GUARD?

Colorado governor's lawn draped in toilet paper

TRAVEL AND HOLIDAY UPDATE

I made it back to Miami. That's the good news. The bad news is that I am now in Miami, where the Thanksgiving bird is not so much a turkey as it is a hand gesture Miami drivers make to one another in the genuinely insane traffic that develops here right before major holidays.

Also Mrs. Blog informs me that a crocodile was captured in a neighbor's swimming pool. The neighborhood association email alert says that  "the 4-foot reptile has been tagged and relocated to a crocodile-designated area in the county." That's right: Our county has a crocodile-designated area. The email alert doesn't say where it is. Far away, I hope. I'm also wondering: Do we have a separate area designated for alligators? Snakes? Lawyers who advertise on TV? Kardashians?

In any event. I'm thankful to be home and not driving any more. I hope you're home; or with loved ones; or at least with ones you don't hate; or, at bare minimum, beer. Wherever you are, I hope you have a good Thanksgiving.

AS A PERSON WHO IS FLYING TODAY, AND WHO JUST WATCHED TSA PERSONNEL CONFISCATE A BOTTLE OF ORANGE JUICE FROM AN ELDERLY WOMAN

I was especially amused by this.

(Thanks to judi)

OR MAYBE NOT

If you experience impotence, instead of a little blue pill maybe you want to apply shockwaves to your privates instead.

(Thanks to many people)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

A Sudoku scandal.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

SQUIRRELS 1, DOGS 0

The comments section is entertaining.

(Thanks to Layzeeboy and Horace LaBadie)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that "Mysterious Toilet Blockages" would be a very bad name for a rock band)

DUDE

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THE HERALD HUNT

This Sunday. Downtown Miami at noon. Be there, or be somewhere else. The choice is yours.

Lots more info here, thanks to Andy the TropicHunt.com guy.