January 22, 2018

THE POLICE ARE ALL OVER THIS

Doughnut-eating champ charged with stealing from Dunkin’

(Thanks to Jon Harris, Alkali Bill and Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on January 22, 2018 at 11:37 AM
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CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:35 p.m. A chicken was wandering around a local parking lot and a crowd of spectators was gathering to see what it would do next.

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on January 22, 2018 at 06:12 AM
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AND IN SPORTS

A goalkeeper's water bottle was urinated in during a match, prompting police to arrest an opposition fan.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

Posted by Dave on January 22, 2018 at 06:10 AM
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FROM PIG INTESTINE

A SURGEON is working to create a bionic vagina in a groundbreaking medical project

We saw Bionic Vagina open for... wait, that sounds bad.

(Thanks to Michael Parry)

Posted by Dave on January 22, 2018 at 06:06 AM
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IT'S CIA

Russian police face the unexpected: crocodile in basement

(Thanks to Patty Villanova and Jeff Meyerson, who notes that it was released after producing a Florida driver's license.)

Posted by Dave on January 22, 2018 at 06:03 AM
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January 21, 2018

'WHAT THE HECK! I DIDN'T ORDER THAT!'

Kid Orders Bong Online, Mom Makes Him Open It In Front Of Her

(Thanks to John Lobert)

Posted by Dave on January 21, 2018 at 12:33 PM
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TERRORISM UPDATE

Dozens dressed as Tyrannosaurus rex descend on public square

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on January 21, 2018 at 12:23 PM
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AND IN SPORTS

City crews dubbing themselves the Crisco Cops were greasing light poles around Philadelphia Sunday morning to prevent Eagles fans from climbing after the NFC Championship game.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Posted by Dave on January 21, 2018 at 12:15 PM
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MEANWHILE IN MOUNDVILLE

Fight over cheesecake portion leads to arrest

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and DaninDallas)

Posted by Dave on January 21, 2018 at 12:10 PM
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WHEN FUTURE GENERATIONS TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW WE WENT SO WRONG

They will start here.

Posted by Dave on January 21, 2018 at 06:25 AM
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January 20, 2018

BECAUSE THAT'S TOTALLY A REAL THING

Man driving a Tesla in San Francisco 'tries to get out of a DUI by saying his car was on AUTOPILOT'

(Thanks to Patty Villanova)

Posted by Dave on January 20, 2018 at 07:49 PM
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THERE IS STUPID, AND THEN THERE IS CALIFORNIA STUPID

California 'raw' water fans pay $9 a gallon for Oregon tap water

(Thanks to Rob Simbeck)

Posted by Dave on January 20, 2018 at 07:46 PM
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'HAGGIS FACTORY BLUNDER' MAY WELL BE THE BEST BAND NAME EVER

Four sacked after Macsween’s haggis factory blunder

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on January 20, 2018 at 07:40 PM
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TAKE THAT, AUSTRALIA

Huge Snapping Turtle in Frozen Arkansas Lake

(Thanks to Steve Thompson)

Posted by Dave on January 20, 2018 at 07:34 PM
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CSI: SLIDELL

Suspicious package at Slidell post office contained 70 pounds of feces

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "Send it to Washington.")

Posted by Dave on January 20, 2018 at 07:27 PM
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January 19, 2018

OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER

Dr Pepper-Drinking Donkey Returns Home After Missing For 2 Years

(Thanks to MOTW)

Posted by Dave on January 19, 2018 at 03:59 PM
Permalink | Comments (8)

WE STAND CORRECTED

I've gotten a number of hits from your blog, and I will never turn down traffic from someone I've admired for as long as I can remember, but unfortunately my site is pure, hyper-local satire.

"Cold enough to chip a nipple" is something people in Maine say. I wrote the piece expecting it to bomb on the site, and only appeal to a limited number of my personal friends. It's now my biggest performing piece by a long shot. Orders of magnitude. Hopefully I can be linked from your blog again because you find my work completely hilarious, but in the meantime, I am oddly sad to have to report Maine is not actually suffering an epidemic of chipped nipples.

Thank you so much,

Seth Macy

Posted by Dave on January 19, 2018 at 03:57 PM
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HE WAS TAKING THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE TO FLORIDA

“He bought a vehicle this morning and as he was leaving, he accidentally drove the vehicle into the showroom through a large window,” Timmons said.

(Thanks to Dave Emery)

Posted by Dave on January 19, 2018 at 03:52 PM
Permalink | Comments (2)

YIKES

Toxic Extract Used in Poison Arrows Could Be The Future of Male Contraception

(Thanks to S.M.L. fractalist)

Posted by Dave on January 19, 2018 at 03:50 PM
Permalink | Comments (6)

LEGAL TACTIC OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Maine man punches self in face to avoid sobriety test

(Thanks to Bill Carver and Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on January 19, 2018 at 12:58 PM
Permalink | Comments (12)

 
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