Dave Barry's Blog

CANCEL THE CAKE

Tokyo's 'oldest man' had been dead for 30 years

(Thanks to JP)

A LOT OF THINGS ARE ILLEGAL IN NEW YORK

Tragically, this is not one of them:

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Horace LaBadie)

THIS WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE HIM

Naked trampoline man avoids jail sentence

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE CAN'T BELIEVE NOBODY THOUGHT OF THIS EARLIER

Commutapult.

(Thanks to lairbo)

SEND HER TO WASHINGTON

High School Cheerleader Tackles Thief

Key Quote: "I was in a strapless dress, yes."

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

CANADA

No Fun At All.

(Thanks to The Perts)

UNFORTUNATELY, BECAUSE OF OUR STRICT ETC.

...we cannot etc.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

JUST LIKE ME

Approximately 8,500 years ago, in what archeologists now call The Sixties, I played in a band called the Federal Duck. We were a bunch of guys from Haverford College who played all over the Philadelphia area at all kinds of functions -- dorm mixers, frat parties, weird Sixties events involving not entirely legal activities and substances, etc. The song we always played first was "Just Like Me," the hit by Paul Revere and the Raiders, which was a great opener because (a) it has only four chords, the sequence of which never changes, and (b) it kicks ass.

Years later, as a columnist at the Miami Herald, I got into a mail correspondence with Mark Lindsay, who was the lead singer for Paul Revere and the Raiders before embarking on a solo career that continues to this day. He's a funny man, and we stayed in touch, off and on. A couple of days ago he emailed to say that he'd be performing Thursday night at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino as part of the Happy Together Tour, an oldies revue that also features Micky Dolenz, the Buckinghams, the Grass Roots, the Turtles, and a killer backup band. Mark asked if I'd be interested in getting on stage with him for "Just Like Me." Of course I said yes. Here's the video. (Thanks to judi.) I'm the guy in the brown T-shirt trying to remember what order the four chords go in. Note the psychedelic pattern being projected behind the band to indicate grooviness.

Anyway, I had a great time. For a few minutes there, I felt as if I was back in the Sixties. All that was missing was a frat boy vomiting on my amp.

But seriously, Mark: Many thanks, and rock on.

ALTHOUGH WE DON'T ALWAYS PRONOUNCE THE WORDS RIGHT

Drinkers Have Better Vocabularies

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE FRANKLY CANNOT BELIEVE THIS PLAN FAILED

Man tries to cash forged check for one million dollars at a bank's drive-through window

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

THERE'S ALSO A LIPOSUCTION OPTION

Nissan to pump breathable vitamin C into car to help moisturise driver's skin

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

SCIENCE (burrppp) BULLETIN

Beer laced with cheese helps sexual performance

(Thanks to nursecindy)

YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

Mechanics found a cheeseburger in the gas tank of a Rock Hill woman’s car, police say.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

PLAN B: CONDOMS

France starts feeding pigeons contraceptives

(Thanks to catmanmax, who wonders whether this would work with squirrels)

JUSTICE

Md. man sentenced for stealing library's tarantula

(Thanks to bonmot and Guin)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'CONSUMER PRODUCT SAFETY COMMISSION' DOES NOTHING

Man burns prosthetic leg with crack pipe

(Thanks to Nancy Coan, nursecindy and Chuck Cody)

THIS BLOG'S ADVICE:

Start drinking now.

(Thanks to Mr. Jeff Arch)

YET ANOTHER REASON TO REMAIN INDOORS

An Austrian hiker has been hospitalised after being hit by a falling mountain goat.

(Thanks to Sean O.)

WE'RE SURE THERE'S A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION

A Salem man was charged last week with indecent exposure after police found him naked in the "touch free" stall of a car wash on Main Street.

(Thanks to jon harris)

AS IS HIS CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT

A West Seneca man who fell asleep in his recliner with his gun in his lap late Monday night accidentally shot himself in the hand and leg, according to West Seneca police.

(Thanks to Micahel McNelis)