Dave Barry's Blog

COSTA RICA UPDATE

We returned from Quepos to the San Jose airport in the same small plane that took us from San Jose to Quepos. They have an extremely relaxed view of airport security in Quepos. They do not inspect your bags, and when the plane arrives, you just wander out onto the runway to board it. We noticed that the other passengers were holding boarding passes, so we asked the agent if we needed them. He said yes, and we said we never got them. He said, "How many do you need?" We said three, so he trotted back to the terminal and returned with three boarding passes, which he handed to us. About 30 seconds later, as we boarded the plane, we handed the passes back to him. It's good to have procedures.

As on the trip down, we sat directly behind the pilot and co-pilot. As the pilot was revving the engine for takeoff, the copilot's door, which was also basically our door, swung open. We drew this to the attention of the co-pilot, who slammed the door a couple of times to make sure it was closed. The pilot asked us, "Did it open by itself?" We said yes. This seemed to be what he wanted to hear, because he nodded, turned around, and took off.

HALLELUJAH

Church Cancels Teen Gun Giveaway

(Thanks to John Grant)

SERIOUSLY CREEPY TOY NEWS

Police smashed a window to rescue a seemingly unconscious baby from a vehicle in Queensland last week, only to find it was a doll. 

A seriously creepy doll.

(Thanks to Wes von Papineau, sj haller and estrogen centrale)

WHALE-B-GONE

Maybe if someone put it in a suitcase...

(Thanks to Dave R.)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY SO FAR

Woof.

(Thanks to sj haller)

WHEW

The Blog got his TiVo just in time.

(Thanks to Baron vonKlyff)

NOW THE BASTARDS ARE USING PLANTS

(Thanks to queensbee)

SNAKES IN THE NEWS TOAD

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

COSTA RICA UPDATE

Here's a nice picture of a butterfly taken by Mrs. Blog. The butterfly is called a blue morpho; we see these everywhere, but they're hard to photograph because they're always flitting around, and do not respond to the command "STOP FLITTING, DAMMIT! I'M AN AMERICAN!" But Mrs. Blog is one of those people who, once they decide they're going to get a picture, are going to get the picture. And so finally she did.

She also took this picture of an industrial-grade spider chowing down on a cicada. This spider has made a web roughly the size of Connecticut, so if you have any friends or relatives who went to Costa Rica and never came back, that would be a good place to start looking for them.

 

Here's a sign on the main road past our hotel, advising motorists to watch out for dogs, sloths and monkeys being herded across the road by stocky ladies in housedresses.

You definitely want to be alert for monkeys passing overhead. I say this because we went zip-lining a second time, and we were walking through some trees populated by a group of howler monkeys. Suddenly there were hissing sounds above us, and the guide, moving us quickly forward, said, "They are making number one and number two on us. This is how they say, 'Go away from this territory!' This is why we do not like to walk under the howler monkeys."

Unlike the howler monkeys, the people here are consistently nice and unfailingly patient. Costa Rica is a beautiful country; the Costa Ricans are very proud of it, and seem genuinely happy to have us as guests. We're sorry to be leaving tomorrow. But I'm sure that once we get home, we'll be happy to be back amid the peace and tranquility of Miami.

THE SURGING CAMPAIGN JUGGERNAUT JUST HAS TO LAUGH

It is way ahead of the pack.

(Thanks to B Kizer and sjhaller)

SNAKES IN THE NEWS

Key 911 Quote: Ranger quickly closed the lid and called police and an animal control officer, but they didn't want anything to do with the serpent.

(Thanks to Siouxie and Cheryl Howard)

YUM

Again, the Internet fails me. I was searching for healthy, easy to prepare meals when I came across "poutine." This site is more direct in referring to it as "an agent of early death."

Mike Leone

EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY

Unfortunately, Seattle neglected to get them autographed by relevant celebrities, so there are no bids.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Andrew Hoenig, The Perts, and Russell Mc)

COSTA RICA UPDATE

Continuing in the ancient Costa Rican tradition of doing tourist things that require dorky helmets, we took an off-road ATV tour.

After three or four solid minutes of guide instruction, we mounted our ATVs ("ATV" stands for "North Atlantic Treaty Organization") and took off on a three-hour tour of the countryside, much of it off-road on extremely rough trails, which are virtually indistinguishable from the Costa Rican highway system. It was a great opportunity to really experience nature by driving past it at a high rate of kilometers. I enjoyed it immensely. I thought about quitting my job and hitting the road, just me and my ATV with the hotel towels strapped to the front with bungee cords. It was a nice fantasy, but it ended when I was forced to confront a harsh reality: I don't have a job.

Elsewhere on the nature front, we have an iguana hanging around outside our hotel room. His name (I can tell by looking at him) is Stewart. He is in the background of the picture below; in the foreground is my daughter's hand holding three of her dolls, Sugar, Honey and Horsey.

You can tell that Stewart is attracted to the dolls. But he is also wary of them. His heart has been  broken too many times.

We continue to see monkeys everywhere. They work hard, and get really annoyed if you don't tip them.

Finally, here's a picture of a pair of really cool-looking birds we saw the other night during our Guided Night Walk. They were sleeping, and you could get really close without waking them up. I forget their technical name, but I remember the guide said they are the national bird of Nicaragua. I don't know what they're doing in Costa Rica. Maybe they come here on vacation, taking a break from their national-bird responsibilities. The guide said there's a kind of bat down here that eats these birds, but fortunately we did not see one. We're nervous enough about Stewart.

VIDEO OF THE DAY THAT MAY HAVE BEEN BLOGGED BEFORE

We feel confident¹ that The Blog will excuse its reposting on account of coolness.

¹(since he is in Costa Rica and may not find out)

(Thanks to annette gaudreau)

THEY'LL SOON RECEIVE THEIR FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSES

(Thanks to B Kizer and Jerry)

HEY, GOT ANY COOKIES?

(Thanks to wickedwitch and Charlie on the PA Turnpike)

S&M BARBIE LASHED BY PUBLIC

Coming in September

(Thanks to DavCat, B Kizer, and Siouxie)

COSTA RICA UPDATE

We are surrounded by frogs. Billions of them. And all they think about is sex. I know this because last night we went on a Guided Night Walk in the jungle rainforest, with a guide named Roy. Pretty much everywhere Roy aimed his flashlight, there was a frog, which according to Roy was hoping to have sex with another frog.

The system is as follows: The guy frog makes a noise to attract gal frogs. It is a proven frog-pickup noise, and he makes it all night long. All around him are competing guy frogs also making noises, and each species has its own pickup noise, so the rainforest gets comically loud at night, with all kinds of ribbits and beeps and doinks and clicks.

The loudest frog we heard was the gladiator frog, which makes a pickup noise that sounds exactly like a bongo drum. It is a studly and seductive sound. It made me want to have sex with a gladiator frog. Here's one we saw:

You can just tell by his look that he is expecting some action tonight.

Meanwhile, on the primate front, the sloths continue to do absolutely nothing.

Whereas the monkeys are extremely busy. Mrs. Blog took the picture below, showing two monkeys on the beach stealing food from a backpack. Mrs. Blog said they first looked around, casing the area, then unzipped the backpack, removed a bag of food, and sprinted away with it.

It is only a matter of time  before they get into the mortgage industry.

REMEMBER HIGHLIGHTS MAGAZINE'S "FIND THE HIDDEN ITEMS" GAME?

Today's version: Find the hidden parenting skills.

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)